Titties and Beer chords by Frank Zappa
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Verse 1
(D major) (G major) (C major) (G major) (G major) It
was the (D major) black (G major) est night
There was no moon in sight
You know the stars ain't shinin'
'Cause the sky's too tight
I (C major) heard the (G major) scary wind
I seen some ugly trees
There was a werewolf honkin'
'Long the side of me (G major)
I'm mean 'n I'm bad,
why'know I ain't (C major) no sis (D major) sy
Got a (G major) big- titty girly by the
(C major) name of Chris (D major) sy
(G major) Talkin' about her 'n my
bike (C major) 'n me (D major) . . .
'N this (G major) ride up the Mountain of (C major) Mystery,
mystery (D major)
(C major) (D major) (C major) (G major)
Verse 2
I (C major) noticed (D minor) even the crickets
Were actin' weird up here
(C major) 'N so I figured (G major) I might
(C major) Just drink a little beer
I (C major) said, (D major) "Gimme summa that
(G major) what yer suckin' on (G major) . . . "
But (D major) there was no reply
'Cause (G major) she was gone (G major) . . .
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Verse 3
"Where's those titties I like (C major) so well, (D major)
(G major) 'n my goddamn beer!"
Is what I (C major) started to yell, (D major)
then I (G major) heard this noise
Like a (C major) crunchin' twig, (D major)
'n (G major) up jumped the Devil . . .
He's about (C major) this big (D major) . . .
Verse 4
He had a red (D minor) (G major) suit on
An' a widow's peak
An' (G major) then a (D major) pointed tail
(G major) 'N like a sulphur reek
Yes, (C major) it was (D major) him (C major) alright,
I sweared I knowed it was
He (C major) had some (D major) human flesh
(G major) Stuck underneath his claws
Y'know, (C major) it (D major) looked to me
Like it was titty skin
I said, (C major) "You (D major) son of a bitch!"
(G major) 'Cause I was mad at him,
(C major) Well he just (D major) got (D minor) out his floss
'N started cleanin' his fang
So (C major) I shot (D major) him (C major) with my shoot (G major) er,
Said: (C major) BANG BANG BANG
(D major) Then the suck
Verse 5
(G major) er just laughed
'n said:
Bozzio: Oh, put (G major) it away . . .
You know, I ate her all up . . . now
what (G major) you gonna say? (D major)
(G major) Frank: You ate my
Chrissy?
Bozzio: Tit (G major) ties 'n (D major) all!
(G major) Frank: Well, what about the beer then,
boy?
Bozzio: Ah . . . Were the cans (D major) this tall?
(G major) Frank: Even her boots?
Bozzio: Would I lie (G major) to you?
(D major) Frank: Shit,
(G major) you musta been hungry!
Bozzio: Yes, this is true.
Frank: Don't they pay you good
For the stuff that you (D major) do?
Bozzio: Well, you know (G major)
I can't complain when (C major) the checks
come (D major) through (G major) . . .
Frank: Well I want my Chrissy,
'N I want my beer
(D major) So you just (G major) barf it back up
Now, Devil, (D major) do you hear?
Bozzio: Blow (G major) it out your ass,
mo (G major) torcycle man! (D major)
I mean, (G major) I am the Devil,
Do you (C major) un derstand? (D major)
(G major) Just what will you give me for your
Titties (C major) and (D major) beer?
(G major) I suppose you noticed this
little con (G major) tract (D major) here . . .
(G major) Frank: Yer goddam right, you
Son- (G major) of- a- (D major) whore
Bozzio: Don't call me that!
Frank: That's about (G major) the only reas
on I learned writin' (C major) (D major) for . . .
(G major) Gimme that paper . . . bet
yer ass (C major) I will sign (D major) . . .
Be (G major) cause I need a beer,
'N it's (G major) titty- squeez
(D major) in' time!
Bozzio: Man, you (G major) can't fool me
. . . you ain't (C major) that (D major) bad . . .
I (G major) mean you shoulda seen some of the souls
(C major) that I've (D major) had . . .
Frank: Oh, yeah?
Bozzio: Why there was (G major) Mil
hous Nixon 'n (D major) Agnew, too . . .
'N both (G major) of those suckers (G major) was
worse 'n (D major) you . . .
Frank: Well, let's (G major) make a (D major) deal
if you think that's true
(D minor) I (D major) mean,
you're (G major) the Devil so . . .
Whatcha (G major) gonna (D major) do?
Bozzio: Wait a minute (G major) . . . a tinge of doubt
Verse 6
crosses my mind when
(G major) you say (D major) that you (G major) want to make a deal with me . . .
Frank: That's very,
very (D major) true . . .
Bozzio: Wait . . . you ain't (G major) supposed to want
to make a deal with me
Frank: Ah, but (D major) I'm slightly different than your (G major) av erage customer,
Devil . . .
Bozzio: But, wait . . . but most people don't want (D major)
to make a deal with (G major) me . . . Wha . . .
Frank: Yeah . . .
Bozzio: What's your story?
Frank: Well, most people are afraid of you, see? They don't know how stu (C major) pid you (D major) are . . . I happen
to know (G major) that you jack off to a picture of (D major) Punky Meadows when you get home (G major) . . .
Bozzio: Grrarh . . . Stupid
(D major) . . . Grrarh . . .
Frank: You know . . . ever since (G major) that guy told you that he contained more fluid (D major) than Jeff Beck you've been tryin' (G major) to outdo him (G major) . . . Awright, (D major) look, I'm gonna say one (G major) thing to you . . . this may not register right away, (D major) but let me say this (G major) . . . leave your pickle alone for a couple of night (C major) s, you know (D major) what I mean (G major) . . . ? Now, come on! I'm only interested in a (D major) couple of things . . . (Wait, is that (G major) a note for me? Is somebody passing me a note? (D major) What does this say (G major) . . . ? "Frank,
please do (D major) me a favour, I can't find a brother (G major) of mine, I could dig it if you could (D major) call him from stage. (G major) His name is Dirty Tom (C major) Nomads (D major) M.C.," (G major) signed "Thanks, (G major) Bear" (D major) or "Bean," (G major) I can't tell . . . Well, if he's (G major) out there (D major) (G major) . . . Dirty Tony De La Nomads (D major) M.C. (G major) get in touch with Bean or (D major) Bear . . .) And as I was (G major) sayin', Devil, I'm an average sort of a per (D major) son, I'm (G major) . . . you wouldn't believe it, but (C major) . . . I'm very (D major) much like the (G major) people here in this audience tonight . . .
Bozzio: What?
Frank: I think (C major) we definitely (D major) have
something (G major) in common . . .
Bozzio: Wait a minute, I thought you (G major) had funny (C major) things (D major) growing in your hair (G major) an d all that
other stuff . . . I thought . . . write weird mu (C major) sic, you (D major) know, I thought . . .
Frank: Listen . . .
Bozzio: . . . biker and (G major) everything, I mean,
shit, you know?
Frank: . . . listen care (D major) fully
. . .
Bozzio: . . . big titty chic that you just (G major) had out here with the camera,
I mean, you know . . .
Frank: Listen carefully to me,
oh, (C major) Devil (D major) . . .
Terry: Uh- huh (G major) . . .
Frank: I'm only interested
in two (D major) things
Bozzio: Yeah (G major) . . .
Frank: See if you can
guess what they are (C major)
Bozzio: I would (G major) think . . . uh . . . let's see,
maybe . . . uh . . .
Frank: Well, I'll (G major) give you . . .
Bozzio: Stravinsky
. . . and, uh . . .
Frank: I'll give you two
clues (G major) . . .
Bozzio: . . . let's see . . . uh . . .
Frank: Let go (G major) of your pickle
Bozzio: What?
Frank: Let go of your pickle!
Bozzio: I'm (G major) not holding
my pickle
Frank: Well, who's
holding your pickle then?
Bozzio: I don't know . . . ha! She's out in the audience (C major) . . . Hey, Dale,
(G major) would you like to come up here and hold my pickle to satisfy this weird (C major) man out (D major) here on the stage? (G major)
Frank: You're probably wondering (C major) why we
call it a (G major) pickle . (C major) (D major) (G major) . .
Ray: Ha ha ha!
Bozzio: Oh, no . . .
Frank: I don't . . . I (C major) hate (D minor) . . . I hate (D major) to squeal (G major) on you, Bozzio, I mean,
Devil . . . but, look, I'm only (D major) interested in two (G major) things . . .
Bozzio: Now, wait a minute . . . all I have to say is (C major) God (G major) help me! . . . Even
though I have this . . . this fucking mask (D major) on . (G major) . .
Frank: Ha ha ha ha ha (C major) (D major) (G major) . . . ! Listen, if you think that (C major) mask (D major) looks bad,
(G major) you oughta see his pickle (C major) (D major) (G major) . . . I'm only interested in two things, that's titties and (G major) beer, you (D major) know what I mean?
(G major) Bozzio: What?
Frank: Yeah . . .
Bozzio: Titties and beer?
Frank: Titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties (G major) and beer,
titties and beer, titties and beer, titties an (G major) d beer . . .
Bozzio: (Growling) Whoa, I don't know
if (G major) you're the right guy!
Frank: . . . titties and beer, titties and (D major) beer,
(G major) (D major) titties and beer . . .
Verse 7
(G major) Bozzio: No! Don't sign it! Give
me time to think (D major) . . .
I mean (G major) . . .
Frank: Alright!
Bozzio: Hold on a second, boy . . .
'Cause that's Magic Ink!
Verse 8
Frank:And then the (D major) Devil
(G major) let go (C major) of his pickle
(G major) 'N out jumped (C major) m'girl
They heard the titties PLOP- PLOPPIN'
All around the world, she (C major) said:
(D minor) "I GOT ME THREE BEERS (D major) 'N
A FIST FULLA DOWNS,
AN' (D minor) I'M GONNA GET RIPPED,
SO FUCK YOU CLOWNS!"
Then she (D minor) gave (G major) us the fin (C major) ger,
It was rigid 'n stiff,
(G major) That's (C major) when the Devil, (D major) he (G major) farted
An' she went right over the cliff
(D major) (G major)
(Whoa . . . Tinsel (D minor)
(C major) (G major) Time!)
Well, the Devil was (D minor) mad
I took off to my pad
(D minor) I swear I do de (G major) clare!
How did she get back there?
(D minor) I swear I do de (G major) clare!
How did she get back there?
(D minor) I swear I do de (G major) clare!
How did she get back there?
(D minor) I swear I (D major) do de (G major) clare!
How did she get back there? (D minor)
I (G major) swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
(D minor) I swear (G major) I do de . . .
Verse 9
Alright, (D minor) (G major) (D major) (D minor) (G major) Well, yeah, that's enough of (D major) the Devil and his fam (D minor) ous pickle, (G major) we're going to make another dramatic,
if... if, somewhat... (C major) (G major) rickety segue into another song called Cruising for Burgers, wait a minute...
Outro 1
(G major) (C major) (D minor) (G major) (D minor) (G major) (D minor)
Titties and Beer
Frank Zappa
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