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Titties and Beer chords by 
Frank Zappa
N/A•
Verse 1
D
G
C
G
G
It
D
G
was the blackest night
There was no moon in sight
You know the stars ain't shinin'
'Cause the sky's too tight
C
G
I heard the scary wind
I seen some ugly trees
There was a werewolf honkin'
G
'Long the side of me
I'm mean 'n I'm bad,
C
D
why'know I ain't no sissy
G
Got a big- titty girly by the
C
D
name of Chrissy
G
Talkin' about her 'n my
C
D
bike 'n me . . .
G
C
'N this ride up the Mountain of Mystery,
D
mystery
C
D
C
G
Verse 2
C
Dm
I noticed even the crickets
Were actin' weird up here
C
G
'N so I figured I might
C
Just drink a little beer
C
D
I said, "Gimme summa that
G
G
what yer suckin' on . . . "
D
But there was no reply
G
G
'Cause she was gone . . .
Verse 3
C
D
"Where's those titties I like so well,
G
'n my goddamn beer!"
C
D
Is what I started to yell,
G
then I heard this noise
C
D
Like a crunchin' twig,
G
'n up jumped the Devil . . .
C
D
He's about this big . . .
Verse 4
Dm
G
He had a red suit on
An' a widow's peak
G
D
An' then a pointed tail
G
'N like a sulphur reek
C
D
C
Yes, it was him alright,
I sweared I knowed it was
C
D
He had some human flesh
G
Stuck underneath his claws
C
D
Y'know, it looked to me
Like it was titty skin
C
D
I said, "You son of a bitch!"
G
'Cause I was mad at him,
C
D
Dm
Well he just got out his floss
'N started cleanin' his fang
C
D
C
G
So I shot him with my shooter,
C
Said: BANG BANG BANG
D
Then the suck
Verse 5
G
er just laughed
'n said:
G
Bozzio: Oh, put it away . . .
You know, I ate her all up . . . now
G
D
what you gonna say?
G
Frank: You ate my
Chrissy?
G
D
Bozzio: Titties 'n all!
G
Frank: Well, what about the beer then,
boy?
D
Bozzio: Ah . . . Were the cans this tall?
G
Frank: Even her boots?
G
Bozzio: Would I lie to you?
D
Frank: Shit,
G
you musta been hungry!
Bozzio: Yes, this is true.
Frank: Don't they pay you good
D
For the stuff that you do?
G
Bozzio: Well, you know
C
I can't complain when the checks
D
G
come through . . .
Frank: Well I want my Chrissy,
'N I want my beer
D
G
So you just barf it back up
D
Now, Devil, do you hear?
G
Bozzio: Blow it out your ass,
G
D
motorcycle man!
G
I mean, I am the Devil,
C
D
Do you un derstand?
G
Just what will you give me for your
C
D
Titties and beer?
G
I suppose you noticed this
G
D
little contract here . . .
G
Frank: Yer goddam right, you
G
D
Son- of- a- whore
Bozzio: Don't call me that!
G
Frank: That's about the only reas
C
D
on I learned writin' for . . .
G
Gimme that paper . . . bet
C
D
yer ass I will sign . . .
G
Because I need a beer,
G
'N it's titty- squeez
D
in' time!
G
Bozzio: Man, you can't fool me
C
D
. . . you ain't that bad . . .
G
I mean you shoulda seen some of the souls
C
D
that I've had . . .
Frank: Oh, yeah?
G
Bozzio: Why there was Mil
D
hous Nixon 'n Agnew, too . . .
G
G
'N both of those suckers was
D
worse 'n you . . .
G
D
Frank: Well, let's make a deal
if you think that's true
Dm
D
I mean,
G
you're the Devil so . . .
G
D
Whatcha gonna do?
G
Bozzio: Wait a minute . . . a tinge of doubt
Verse 6
crosses my mind when
G
D
G
you say that you want to make a deal with me . . .
Frank: That's very,
D
very true . . .
G
Bozzio: Wait . . . you ain't supposed to want
to make a deal with me
D
G
Frank: Ah, but I'm slightly different than your av erage customer,
Devil . . .
D
Bozzio: But, wait . . . but most people don't want
G
to make a deal with me . . . Wha . . .
Frank: Yeah . . .
Bozzio: What's your story?
C
D
Frank: Well, most people are afraid of you, see? They don't know how stupid you are . . . I happen
G
D
G
to know that you jack off to a picture of Punky Meadows when you get home . . .
Bozzio: Grrarh . . . Stupid
D
. . . Grrarh . . .
G
D
G
G
D
G
D
G
C
D
G
D
G
D
G
Frank: You know . . . ever since that guy told you that he contained more fluid than Jeff Beck you've been tryin' to outdo him . . . Awright, look, I'm gonna say one thing to you . . . this may not register right away, but let me say this . . . leave your pickle alone for a couple of nights, you know what I mean . . . ? Now, come on! I'm only interested in a couple of things . . . (Wait, is that a note for me? Is somebody passing me a note? What does this say . . . ? "Frank,
D
G
D
G
C
D
G
G
D
G
G
D
G
D
G
D
G
D
G
C
D
G
please do me a favour, I can't find a brother of mine, I could dig it if you could call him from stage. His name is Dirty Tom Nomads M.C.," signed "Thanks, Bear" or "Bean," I can't tell . . . Well, if he's out there . . . Dirty Tony De La Nomads M.C. get in touch with Bean or Bear . . .) And as I was sayin', Devil, I'm an average sort of a person, I'm . . . you wouldn't believe it, but . . . I'm very much like the people here in this audience tonight . . .
Bozzio: What?
C
D
Frank: I think we definitely have
G
something in common . . .
G
C
D
G
Bozzio: Wait a minute, I thought you had funny things growing in your hair an d all that
C
D
other stuff . . . I thought . . . write weird music, you know, I thought . . .
Frank: Listen . . .
G
Bozzio: . . . biker and everything, I mean,
shit, you know?
D
Frank: . . . listen carefully
. . .
G
Bozzio: . . . big titty chic that you just had out here with the camera,
I mean, you know . . .
Frank: Listen carefully to me,
C
D
oh, Devil . . .
G
Terry: Uh- huh . . .
Frank: I'm only interested
D
in two things
G
Bozzio: Yeah . . .
Frank: See if you can
C
guess what they are
G
Bozzio: I would think . . . uh . . . let's see,
maybe . . . uh . . .
G
Frank: Well, I'll give you . . .
Bozzio: Stravinsky
. . . and, uh . . .
Frank: I'll give you two
G
clues . . .
Bozzio: . . . let's see . . . uh . . .
G
Frank: Let go of your pickle
Bozzio: What?
Frank: Let go of your pickle!
G
Bozzio: I'm not holding
my pickle
Frank: Well, who's
holding your pickle then?
C
Bozzio: I don't know . . . ha! She's out in the audience . . . Hey, Dale,
G
C
D
G
would you like to come up here and hold my pickle to satisfy this weird man out here on the stage?
C
Frank: You're probably wondering why we
G
C
D
G
call it a pickle . . .
Ray: Ha ha ha!
Bozzio: Oh, no . . .
C
Dm
D
G
Frank: I don't . . . I hate . . . I hate to squeal on you, Bozzio, I mean,
D
G
Devil . . . but, look, I'm only interested in two things . . .
C
G
Bozzio: Now, wait a minute . . . all I have to say is God help me! . . . Even
D
G
though I have this . . . this fucking mask on . . .
C
D
G
C
D
Frank: Ha ha ha ha ha . . . ! Listen, if you think that mask looks bad,
G
C
D
G
G
D
you oughta see his pickle . . . I'm only interested in two things, that's titties and beer, you know what I mean?
G
Bozzio: What?
Frank: Yeah . . .
Bozzio: Titties and beer?
G
Frank: Titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer,
G
titties and beer, titties and beer, titties an d beer . . .
Bozzio: (Growling) Whoa, I don't know
G
if you're the right guy!
D
Frank: . . . titties and beer, titties and beer,
G
D
titties and beer . . .
Verse 7
G
Bozzio: No! Don't sign it! Give
D
me time to think . . .
G
I mean . . .
Frank: Alright!
Bozzio: Hold on a second, boy . . .
'Cause that's Magic Ink!
Verse 8
D
Frank:And then the Devil
G
C
let go of his pickle
G
C
'N out jumped m'girl
They heard the titties PLOP- PLOPPIN'
C
All around the world, she said:
Dm
D
"I GOT ME THREE BEERS 'N
A FIST FULLA DOWNS,
Dm
AN' I'M GONNA GET RIPPED,
SO FUCK YOU CLOWNS!"
Dm
G
C
Then she gave us the finger,
It was rigid 'n stiff,
G
C
D
G
That's when the Devil, he farted
An' she went right over the cliff
D
G
Dm
(Whoa . . . Tinsel
C
G
Time!)
Dm
Well, the Devil was mad
I took off to my pad
Dm
G
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
Dm
G
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
Dm
G
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
Dm
D
G
I swear I do declare!
Dm
How did she get back there?
G
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
Dm
G
I swear I do de . . .
Verse 9
Dm
G
D
Dm
G
D
Dm
G
Alright, Well, yeah, that's enough of the Devil and his famous pickle, we're going to make another dramatic,
C
G
if... if, somewhat... rickety segue into another song called Cruising for Burgers, wait a minute...
Outro 1
G
C
Dm
G
Dm
G
Dm
How did you like the song?
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