Toolbag ted from birkenhead chords by
Ivor Biggun
Ivor Biggun

N/A1 views
Key: G major
Verse 1
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I
always have been handy,
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I did a bit of do it myself
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Until it knackered my eyesight and
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compromised my health
Then a geezer popped his napper,
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over the garden wall
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"Good day", he said "My name is Ted
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Can I be of any help at all?"
Verse 2
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Well I should have said, "No ta,
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no thanks, no probs"
But instead I told 'im all
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my little job s
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An' now he's round my house
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as soon as I walk out my door
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Rippin' my missuses drawer's out
and banging on the bedroom floor
Verse 3
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He's Tool bag Ted from Birkenhead,
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Cm
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the randy handy man
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He walks in when I walk out
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And does a bloody sight better
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than ever I can
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When a lady says "I'm desperate
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An' only your spanner will do"
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Old Ted he seems to understand
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He bolts 'round at their command
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With his nuts held tightly in his hand
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Rub rub, hammer hammer,
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bang, screw
Interlude 1
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Verse 4
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Where does he get the energy?
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How can he manage it all?
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He flashes all around the chimney
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He hammers up and down the hall
If a lady's got a problem
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That's been troubling her all day
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An expert prod with his
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dyno- rod
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And the problem goes away
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Mi- ssis Brown she called him
on the phone
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"Oh please come round my
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husbands not at home..."
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He re- arranged her portico
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And banged her beam all day
Stripping her chimney breast out
And sticking in his R.S.J.
Verse 5
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He's Toolbag Ted from Birkenhead,
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the randy handy- man
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No job too big, no job too small
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He'll be there whenever he can
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And if a damsel in distress
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says "What am I to do?"
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He services her every need
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With charm, discretion, tact and speed
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And satisfaction guaranteed
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Rub rub, hammer hammer, bang, screw
Verse 6
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Look at that easy action!
Look at that grace and style!
As a general rule his expert tool
Makes all the ladies smile
He's pulling out his plunger
And pumping fit to burst
In the capable hands of
Toolbag Ted
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The customer comes first
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Verse 7
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This merry Merseysider is always
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making housecalls
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The ladies ring his number and this
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randy handy scouse calls
Some husbands do not like it when he
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does what he does best
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But most let him get on with it,
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they're grateful for the rest
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And aren't you glad,
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when an ex pert comes to call
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And sorts out your old boiler and
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doesn't charge at all?
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And in her darkest corners he
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will make a final stand
Halfway up her skirting with his
stopcock in his hand
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Tool bag Ted from Birkenhead, the
Verse 8
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randy handy- man
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A knight in shining overalls
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He'll be there whenever he can
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He never leaves a job half done
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and always sees it through
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A set of drawers might need a knob
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A what sit need a thingummy bob
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In fact he's always on the job
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Rub rub, hammer hammer, bang,
Outro 1
screw
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ChordsAb Eb Bbm Fm Cm...

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