Key: Ab major
Verse 1
at South Point Hotel, Casino, and Spa,
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please welcome John Caporulo!
Gm
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I'm going start yelling shit already.
Fuck yeah, dudes.
All right. Look at this. All right. I'm
fucking dressed up.
Seriously, this is prom for me.
I didn't go to prom.
So, yeah, finally got to wear this shit.
That's That's, yeah,
that's dressed up to me.
It's fucking buttons.
I really, like, it's a, yeah, whoa,
that's fucking fancy.
Yeah, like, I mean, it's the same, like,
I look, it's the same way,
like, I look at a restaurant.
Like, you know, well, they don't have a drive -thru or a spork,
so, ooh, now I gotta wear a fucking tie,
I guess, you know, it's, but it's good,
good to be in Las Vegas itself.
I love coming to Vegas,
you know, it's one of those places
that you come to that you enjoy. know?
I mean, I do, I like coming to Vegas,
it's one of the places I come to
that's actually fun.
it always seems more
fun than it is.
I mean, because you drive,
like I've made the drive a bunch of times,
I just, fuck Prim.
I like, I don't, I don't know
they get me every time,
like, they should rename Prim fucking Mirage,
cause that's all it is,
they get me every time,
cause I'm three and a half hours
into that drive,
my fucking back hurts,
I gotta pee, I see lights and I'm like, oh fuck
yeah, viva la fucking Prim,
I'm gonna kill you.
I fucking hate you, mother fucker,
Whiskey Pete.
I like to play.
I don't know why I think I'm
good at poker.
There's no reason.
There's nothing
about my brain
I should invest money in. It always takes me
like three or four hundred bucks
for it to finally dawn on me,
why am I competing at a math game with Asians right
now, why does that make sense?
I'm a fucking cash register to these guys,
oh
I know what will improve my math skills,
fucking whiskey, yeah let's do it, all in Quan,
I don't give a shit, I get so drunk
Did I forget the rules and shit?
He's like, I got a full house.
like, I got uno. I call blue.
What fuck are you going do now?
But I like coming to,
yeah, it's fun coming here. you know, because
I don't have to fly or anything.
I like to come here.
It's always fucking hot.
It's desert hot.
there's different levels of hot,
you know.
You go to some, I was in,
I was in Tampa, Florida.
That's a thick hot. It's
heavy, like, it's deceptive
because you look outside
and you're like,
oh, I could walk through Burger King
and I can't walk through fucking
Burger King.
I came back with a whopper
I'm like, I'm a little moist right now, like,
I should probably
call my mom about this shit
because I don't feel all that fresh, I know that,
but sometimes I get to do cool shit.
when I travel like I was it
what last time I was in Tampa
I got I got to throw out the first pitch
at a Tampa Bay Rays game
I fucking blew it I it's my second time throwing
out a first pitch
I don't know what it is but
it's a ball I'm a dude
I mean cuz the first time
I did it was in Cleveland
and I was in Indians
I was so scared of short -arming it
I threw it over everybody's head.
I bombed it. The catcher and the mascot
just stood there.
I'm like, one of you fuckers
could have dove.
Really, I mean,
my family's watching.
Make a play.
Everybody booed me and shit.
But when I was in Tampa,
I was like, fucking, I'm throwing heat.
Like, I still kid myself at this age,
like, I'm gonna throw such a good fastball,
the manager's gonna be like,
you wanna go a few innings?
I feel good, Skip, let's fucking do it.
But I got, yeah, I got out to the mountain,
I'm like, fuck, that's far.
from?
This is bullshit.
F
But I talked shit before I went out there telling the catcher,
I'm like, you better get
G
your hand ready.
This is gonna fucking hurt.
So I get out to the mound
and he's all the way there.
So I'm committed to
throwing a fastball.
I wind up, I'm like, I'm like,
And the whole stadium heard, nyeh,
because it was pretty quiet at that point,
so they knew I tried.
I wasn't getting away with that shit.
Fucking one -hopped it,
right before the second hop,
and I just, and there's that moment it
We were like, a lot of people
fucking saw that shit.
And the thing is,
Like, I was prepared emotionally
to get booed.
But no, not in Tampa.
They had to be fucking supportive.
They clapped.
It made me feel worse.
They took him, and it's like...
Like I was there from fucking
Make -A -Wish
or some shit, like it was,
come on, that's a good throw for a sick little girl,
give it up for her,
fuck you guys, I don't need this shit.
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