Key: Ab major
Verse 1
to go do stuff.
When we were first dating,
Am
G
Gm
she got me to go skydiving,
when I was younger.
You know, I guess as I get older,
I become more of a pussy.
You know, like,
I used to love roller coasters.
Now I look at them,
But yeah, we went skydiving.
D
G
They don't let you go by yourself
the first time skydiving.
They make you go what's called tandem,
which is like with training wheels,
except the training wheels
are fucking breathing on
you the whole time.
It takes a lot of the cool out of it.
Like I was excited to go,
like I was up all night
the night before
watching like Point Break and shit.
Like I'm going to be a daredevil in
the morning.
You're not a daredevil
with a British guy strapped to your ass.
Like, I felt more like cargo. like...
Oh, hold me, Nigel.
Because ever since I did it,
people are like, oh, I bet that's a weird experience,
jumping out of a plane.
Yeah, you know what's weirder?
Fucking Nigel.
All right, that's a weird experience still.
Because, yeah, I've never
jumped out of a plane before.
or never had this much dude
on my back either.
now it's not only scary,
it's fucking socially awkward too,
because now I got to jump out of a plane
and not fart.
I mean, it's a lot of
C
pressure.
I was kind of planning on screaming
and farting the whole way down.
Now I got to hold it in
like we're in fucking church.
We did it out east of LA in the desert.
we had to show up like,
we show up like 7 a .m.
Like I thought, I
thought there was gonna be training.
Of some kind, there's no training.
It's just strapping.
And you gotta sign a bunch of shit
that you don't wanna read.
You know, you'll be like, yeah, all right,
we'll be up high.
If I die, I can fuck off.
Sounds good.
All right, yeah.
Oh boy, this is fun.
G
it's just me getting strapped to Nigel for like an hour,
and he's fucking aggressive.
You know, I'm like, are you mad at me, sir, like, oh, hey, fuck,
we're together, all right, I'm your guy.
I won't dance with any other boys,
I promise. Finally, he says to me,
when I open the parachute,
these straps are going to get really tight.
I'm like, they're pretty fucking tight,
aren't they?
And did you just kiss my neck,
because I don't remember saying
it in that fucking form.
But once you're strapped to them,
you're going.
Hey, we're on our way to the plane, just...
It feels like we're hostages.
It's like, can I call my mom?
All right, fuck, just this.
I didn't even think we were done getting
ready.
You know, because we had the jumpsuit,
we had the straps.
I'm like, where's my helmet?
Nah, I just had a fucking helmet.
I'm like, where's my helmet?
He's like, oh, you don't
need a helmet.
I'm like, I'm on the bottom,
motherfucker.
Like, if anybody...
If anybody should have a helmet,
I think I'm helmet guy.
They gave me goggles.
Yeah, let's save my eyes.
You know, just in case the
chute doesn't open,
I can see exactly how fucked up my spine
is from now on.
Look, I walk like shit.
They put us in a plane.
It's not a nice plane.
It's a fucked up plane.
It's like they bought a plane at
a yard sale.
But it's like a 15 minute ride to get up
there
and I got a ride on Nigel's lap,
just like this.
And I'm thinking, I'm like,
there's no turbulence.
I'm like, why are we the only ones bouncing,
Nigel? don't, just give me a pony ride
to calm me down right now,
So we go up to like 12 ,000 feet,
we level off,
and I figured once we got up there,
we were going to have time to talk about this shit,
you know, like sign some more forms
or something, I mean.
But they do like 10 jumps a day,
so they don't have time for
your thoughts.
They just open the door
and people just start falling out,
like it's like they're empty
in the trash.
And I'm getting closer to my turn
and I'm not a religious guy
but I'm like, we forgot to pray.
They don't even give
me time to do that.
I'm like, our father who art
in fuck.
Like, I'm pretty sure
that's worse than
not praying.
mean, I just said our father who
art in fuck.
think I just stamped our fucking
hell ticket, Nigel. we gotta go back.
So we just free -fall for like
two minutes.
You're just plummeting towards death.
And there's this air hitting you in the face,
like you can't think, you can't breathe,
you can't close your mouth.
Like I wasn't even worried about dying,
I was just like, man, my teeth are
fucking cold.
I just wanted the shoe to open
because I have warmer fucking teeth.
Because that's what I'm thinking is like,
once the chute opens,
It'll be, you know,
and me and Nigel will,
we'll make a day out of it.
But there's none of that,
because I forgot what he said about the straps.
I don't know if he did my straps wrong
or, they weren't right.
fine, you know.
Nigel opens our chute,
the straps just take over my balls.
F
G
I'm like, oh, this is fucking beautiful.
I'm so glad I gave you 300 bucks
to do this shit, Nigel.
And I'm stuck like that.
And I'm waiting for him to say something
and, like, address this shit, I mean...
I mean, because I'm not, you know,
I'm not an expert on Skydiving, it's my first time,
I just know we don't look
like the fucking website, right?
So finally he chimes in,
he's like, oh,
something's wrong with your straps.
I'm like, oh, thank you for joining us,
I appreciate that.
Like, what are we going to do about it?
He's like, oh, there's nothing we
can do.
He's like,
don't worry, I'm okay.
I'm like, oh, good. Fuck you.
He's like, yeah, I know it's
uncomfortable,
but you'll just have to ride it
out like that.
I'm like, okay, fine,
I'll ride it out, but let's land.
He's still trying to make a
ride out of this.
He's like, oh, no,
you're going to love this view.
I'm like, face it, Nigel,
we failed.
All right, I mean,
sometimes shit
just doesn't work out.
We tried.
He's trying to give me a sightseeing
tour
while we're up there.
He's like, oh, if you look over there,
you can see San Diego.
I'm like, well,
I sure don't give a fuck right now.
I know, I've seen
San Diego before.
What I'd like to see is blood back
in Badong again.
I'd like to see circulation in
the ground very soon.
We can land, we can land right there.
land in fucking Charlotte.
I'm like, you motherfuckers.
Thank you guys so much
for coming on this show.
Thank you, South Point.
Thank you guys.
You guys are awesome.
I appreciate it.
Thank you, Thank you, guys.
Thank Thank you.
Thank you.
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