Redneck Fashion Tip #2 chords by Jeff Foxworthy

SimplifiedG · Gm · C · F

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Verse 1
G 
Certain  (G major) things should not be sold
in certain sizes.
Gm 
If your stomach blocks your view of your  (G minor) shoes,
G 
 (G major) cover it up!
The only people that should be wearing
belly shirts
are the people that don't have
bellies.
And there's no shame, no
shame in having a spare tire.
Just keep it in the trunk
so other people don't have
to look at it.
And you know those little baby
spare tires
are kind of cute.
Tractor tires aren't,
especially when they have hair
on them.
Certain things should not be sold
in certain sizes
and this goes to a lot of dads
and uncles out here.
Your shorts are supposed to be
longer than your underwear.
Especially if you wear tidy whities.
Nobody wants to
be at the family picnic
and look over at Uncle Fred sitting
in a lawn chair
and see anything that looks like
a baby bird.
And talking about shorts,
I've got to comment on those
little cotton shorts
that have the words printed
on the back of them.
First of all, guys, if you can't read
without moving your lips,
do not stare at these shorts
in front of your wife or girlfriend.
And for God's sakes, don't pretend
you've had the cheap LASIK surgery
and you can only read by using Braille.
C 
But these shorts bring up my second fashion  (C major) rule,
G 
and that is  (G major) there has got
to be an age limit
on certain articles of clothing.
Got to be.
And with these little cotton shorts
with the words on them,
F 
I think the age limit is what?  (F major) 15? 16?
G 
 (G major) All I'm saying is if the veins
in the back of your legs
look like the street map of
greater Pittsburgh,
you ain't nobody's baby doll.
If your thighs look like the hood
C 
of a white  (C major) Toyota van
G 
 (G major) after  a hailstorm, you're not juicy.
You might be a terrific grandmother,
you're not juicy.
And this age limit rule
also applies to low cut tops
on women.
And you know what I'm talking about,
these women that insist on showing
their cleavage
30 years after anybody wants to see it.
And they're always well endowed,
I mean real well endowed.
The kind of women,
if they go to hug you and you're not chewing gum,
your ears are going to pop.
But that cleavage line is like
three feet long
and it's got these little wrinkles
coming off of it.
Looks like you're looking down
into the Grand Canyon
out an airplane window
And what is it there's
some women
the older they get
just the less modest they are
And everybody's done this
where you're sitting there in
F 
 (F major) the morning
G 
having a  (G major) cup of coffee with granny
And she's not wearing anything,
but a paper -thin nightgown and a smile
Then she'll bend down
G 
 (G major) to pick up something out of the
floor
C 
and suddenly  (C major) you're staring
G 
 (G major) at something
that looks like those long balloons
four days after the birthday party.
And they ain't floating up to the ceiling,
they are on the floor.
You could step on them
and they wouldn't pop.