Protect Our Stuff chords by Jeff Foxworthy
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Verse 1
Now we'll say this, (G major) in 13 years my wife and I have
created a beautiful home together.
By that I mean she created it
and we're together.
Actually we do have a beautiful home
and it's all my wife's doing,
everything in it.
She went out and (D major) found it, she bought
(G major) it, she brought it home.
I'm the mule.
She'll come home and she'll say,
there's a grandfather clock
in the back of the truck.
I'm like, hee -ah, (G minor) hee -ah, (G major) hee (A minor) -ah.
People (G major) go through our house and go,
that's really pretty, is that rosewood?
I don't know, but it's really heavy,
I'll tell you that.
I'd like to kill myself bringing that
in here.
And any guy that's thinking about getting married,
I've got a little (C major) piece of advice for you.
(G major) Don't be too attached to any furniture
you might currently have,
because it is going away.
Might be going to the basement,
might be going to live with God,
but it's going away.
The day after we got married,
my wife was walking through the house
talking to my furniture
like (F major) a flight attendant at (G major) the end of a flight.
Bye -bye. Bye -bye.
Bye -bye.
Thanks for coming.
Bye -bye.
See you at the dump.
See you at the dump?
Baby, that's a combination coffee table
cooler.
Look, the lid comes up.
It's got a picture of Heather Locklear
on it.
But since she did create this beautiful home,
I do feel as the man of the family,
it's my obligation to protect the place.
I think that's just something instinctual
within men.
We always feel like we've got to protect
our stuff.
Even if it's not worth protecting,
we want to protect it.
You ever seen people have like
a piece of crap pinto
with a club on the steering wheel?
Somebody breaks the (E minor) window,
steals (G major) the club,
leaves the pinto in a pile of glass.
But since the beginning of time,
men have always felt like we had to defend
the cave.
Whenever you go out and look at a new place to live,
(F major) women walk through it (G major) going,
I wonder what kind of wallpaper
I'm going to put in here.
Men are like,
somebody's going to try to get in that window,
I guarantee you.
That's the way we think,
isn't it, guys?
Even down to the yards.
See, a lot of different theories on this one.
A lot of guys like to keep their
grass cut really short
so they can see the intruders coming.
Keep those kill zones
open, you know.
I say let the grass grow tall
so they don't know there's a house
behind it.
Some call it lazy,
I say it's thinking.
Well, put yourself into the mind
of a thief.
Say you come up on two houses
and one of them has a manicured lawn
with daisies growing in the flower
pot.
You might be thinking,
well, that's easy pickings.
But you come up on a house
where the grass is this tall
and there's a dog chained
to the clothesline
and a motor swinging in the tree,
buddy, that's a
house where a gun lives.
And you want to find out what kind it is,
just crawl through the window after dark.
And trust me, I am not in (A minor) sinuating
women cannot take care
of themselves.
I know in (G major) 1998 you (B flat major) can.
(G major) Matter of fact, you'd probably a lot rather deal with me than my wife,
because you break into my house,
I will shoot you.
My wife will shoot you
and then spend 30 minutes
telling you why she shot you.
I shot you for coming through the
window like that.
You know, you ought to get a job
like the rest of us.
I was up at 545 this morning.
I had to make lunch for the kids,
then I had to take them to school,
then I had to go to work myself.
At lunch hour,
I had to go get my driver's
license renewed,
then I had to stop by the grocery store
on the way home.
Are you listening to me?
Are you listening to me?
If you bleed on my rug,
I'm gonna shoot you again.
I will say this about my wife,
though.
She is secure enough in her masculinity
that if there is a noise in our house
in the middle of the night,
she still lets me go check it out.
In this age of equality,
I'm pretty sure that's happening
worldwide.
Not too often are you going to see,
Phyllis,
run downstairs and see
what that noise was.
Hey, and bring me back a piece of chicken,
okay?
If I told you lately you're as pretty as Greg Maddox,
Phyllis, you really are.
Now, if there's a noise in our house
in the middle of the night,
it's me checking it out,
in my underwear,
carrying a baseball bat,
(G major) because that is the official uniform
of suspicious noises,
his underpants and a baseball bat.
I don't know what we're hoping
to find.
Some guy in the living room
in his underwear with a ball.
And my dad really didn't need to carry
the baseball bat
because he always wore those big
boxer shorts
that were gapped open in the front.
Oh, that gap is like a taser to a burglar.
Oh, shut the gap, shut the gap.
Here, take my wallet.
Just please shut that gap.
You know my dad, do you?
Protect Our Stuff
Jeff Foxworthy
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