Key: Bb major
Verse 1
D
C
G
F
C
Ray's guitar broke.
won't play anything.
We'll play the theme from the Dinah
Shore show.
Who wants to be Dinah Shore?
Who's alter- ego is Dinah Shore?
Gm
F
Oh, his fists didn't go up so quickly this time. Yawn,
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G
Bm
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C
G
yawn, yawn.
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C
Bm
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F#5
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C
E5
F
F#5
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Eb
F
Put those headphones on, it's be- bop time.
Gm
F
Gm
Interlude 1
D
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G
C
Bm
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Am
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C
D
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Gm
Verse 2
C
Bb
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G
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about the
D
Dm
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C
last time I was in Portland.
Bm
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The night before we played
G
D
G
at the Long Goodbye.
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G
about 10:30 at night.
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C
Am
Eb
A lot of people go to bed around here
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Eb
Gm
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Em
at 10:30 at night.
C
Bb
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And well, I was walking along when
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suddenly these jocks in this
Gm
F#5
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C
D
Bm
C
bright blue pickup drove up. It had KC lights,
Gm
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everything but the CB. It was a life- size Hot
Am
A5
D
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G
Wheels car for some dumb rich kid,
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C#
D
F#5
right. Well,
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they drove up to me
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C
and they yelled what dumb rich kids usually yell,
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E5
Bb
Gm
C
and showered me with some
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Gm
Bm
D
G
Em
wa ter.
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Bm
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D
C
F
So, I stood there thinking,
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Gm
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E5
Bm
what a bunch of fuckheads and picked up a rock.
Bb
Gm
Now, I waited,
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E5
Gm
walked down about a block to
D
Bb
where the Kentucky Fried Chicken is,
D
Bb
Gm
on Burnside,
C
F
and sure enough they drove
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C
around again.
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Bm
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They said, "Hey, faggot,
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A5
Am
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E5
where's the nearest McDonald's?" I said,
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Gm
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Gm
F
C
So I threw the rock and put a nice- size dent
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Gm
in their giant Hot Wheels car.
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They screeched to a halt in the park
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F
D
who's name I don't remember,
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C#
D
it's up the street from Fred Meyer,
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Gm
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D
C
and they got out their clubs and they ran after me,
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D
you motherfucker."
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Gm
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C
Bb5
Gm
So I got in a phone booth by
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the Kentucky Fried Chicken on Burnside,
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Am
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held my legs straight out like this so
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F#5
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to the phone booth. So they began
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D
charging the phone booth,
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Gm
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"We're gonna kill you, you motherfucker,
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G
Am
we're gonna kill you,
Bb
Bm
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you god damn fag got." I just
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D
Gm
looked at them.
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C
Am
Bm
So, there was a crowd gath
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Em
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and these kids were standing
E5
Eb
D
Eb
D
Eb
Gm
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"Oh, look at him, he's insane." I thought,
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Em
C
Gm
Bb
ah- hah, here's my way out.
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G
I yelled at them,
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Gm
Eb
C
G
"Take me to a mental hospital right away.
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I want to be be put away.
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Gm
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C
Please put me away, c'mon,
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D
F
call the cops and put me away.
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Please put me away now."
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F
C
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Em
They said, "Alright, faggot,
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Bm
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C
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Gm
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C
we're calling the police." So they called the police.
Gm
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Gm
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Gm
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The cop comes out and I go, ah, my savior,
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Ab
B5
I'm away from these jocks.
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E5
F
throws me up against the car, frisks me,
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C
shoves me in the back.
Then he goes over to the jocks,
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Gm
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Eb
D
"Now what happened here?
Ab
Gm
It looks like we're going
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A5
have to take him to jail
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F
but we got to have the full
Gm
F
D
story first"
Gm
C
Gm
C
So the jocks, who had an ace in the hole,
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F
G
ace in the hole
Gm
G
Take down on the bass,
Gm
C
Gm
D
C
a little bit down on the bass. Yeah,
Gm
G
C
ace in the hole, and they go, "Well,
the motherfucker put a dent in my truck,
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F
D
F
I want to kill him. Let me kill him,
goddammit.
Gm
F
Let me kill him."
D
F
C
Bb
So the cop made them go home,
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Gm
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C
and he drove me home,
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Am
Bm
an d he confiscated their club and my
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Em
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rock as further evidence.
Gm
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Eb
And I thought, so this is Oregon,
Ab
Gm
huh? Tolerant Oregon?
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Gm
Verse 3
Am
F
Bm
Ray, are you done with your guitar yet?
C
Gm
Em
D
He isn't done yet.
C#
C
So what else do you want to hear,
That's a true story, too. Just ask Bruce Loose
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