first kiss
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I was only five years old
and she lit me with
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I had braces on my legs
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and I almost fell down
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And from that day moving forward
I've been petrified of lawns,
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lawns, lawns
Patricia, she was my first love
She sat in rows behind me
and I couldn't breathe
I gave her pink foil an imals
and we rinsed and scraped
And it was on her turntable
when I met her on Sunday
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Mama's out
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and we were listening in the dark
She reached down my pants
and discovered I was bald
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And when I touched her down
there she was blossoming in salt
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And the next day at school,
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she ignored me in the hall
Shelly and Amber gave me my first taste
I went down on both of Amber's
parents' plates
We were drunk as stonks
in a pound of armor
And they gave me a bath
and I stumbled on
Marianne was my first fall
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She slid down
between my legs
and oh my God
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I went with her friend first
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but I couldn't get it in
And when she called me Marianne,
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her heart was broken
Marianne got cold
and abruptly broke it all
For a guy with sweat
pants and a pickup truck
I begged her not to dump me,
I pleaded no
Caught her a body language,
told me it was time for me to go
The guy with the trunk
picked me up
and brought me home
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I sat down at my piano
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and my spirit was low
But I pulled myself together
and I played a funeral
Now I was the one
who got their heart broke
I met a girl named Debra,
she lived on the canal
She made me eggs in the morning,
she was such a sweet gal
And we went to Red Lobster
and we went to Tangiers
She had motherly love,
she was warm and she cared.
She was a beautiful girl,
and she had a big heart.
But I drifted away
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because there wasn't that spark.
Oh, mess of sex and love
When you give that first stinging,
you're the one who gets stung
And when you lose control,
and how good it feels to cum
When you're panting like a dog
getting into to someone
Oh, rejection,
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how it hurts so much
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When you can't love the one
you've been longing to touch
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And they're on to someone else
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and it don't feel right
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The nature of attrac
tion cycles on and on
And nobody's right and nobody's wrong
All in life shapes and types
and we're drawn
It's a complicated place this
planet we're on
You're just going to, like, sit there
on stage
and have a conversation through
my show?
That's how it works?
What is your name?
Since you were all talking,
what's your name?
Sarah. it's Mark and Sarah's show,
everybody, how are you doing?
Sarah, were you comfortable throughout that last song that
I was singing about fucking and oral sex?
Were you comfortable sitting up there
while I was singing songs
about eating pussy
when I was in seventh grade?
I'm just curious. Yay,
all right, that worked.
Okay then.
Applause