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A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying easy guitar chords by 
Bloodhound Gang
Intro 1
D
Verse 1
A
I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a
Merle Haggard concert
D
That night I strolled on into Uncle
Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love
G
It had been a while
In fact, three hundred and sixty-five
D
had had come and went
Since that midnight run haulin'
hog to Shakey Town on I-10
G
I had picked up this hitchhiker that
was sweatin' gallons
D
Through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and and
one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops
A
Well, Well, that night I lost
myself to ruby red lips
D
Milky white skin and baby blue eyes
Name was Russell
Verse 2
D
A
Yes, a lap dance is so much better
D
when the stripper is cryin'
G
Yes, a lap dance is so much better
D
when the stripper is cryin'
G
Well I find it's quite a thrill
D
When she grinds me against her will
A
Yes a lap dance is so much better
D
when the stripper is cryin'
Verse 3
D
A
D
A
Well, faster than you can say,
"shallow grave"
D
This pretty little thing come up to me and starts
kneadin' my balls
Like hard-boiled eggs eggs
G
in a tube sock
Said her name was Bambi and I said,
D
"Well that's a coincidence darlin'
'Cause I was just thinkin' about
skinnin' you like a deer"
G
Well she smiled, had about as much
teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern
And And And I went on to tell her how I
D
would wear her face like a mask
A
As I do my little kooky dance
D
A
And then she told me to shush
I guess she could sense my desperation
D
'Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on
when when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl
Verse 4
D
A
Yes, a lap dance is so much better
D
when the stripper is cryin'
G
Yes, a lap dance is so much better
D
when the stripper is cryin'
G
Well I find it's quite a thrill
D
When she grinds me against her will
A
Yes, a lap dance is so much better
D
when the stripper is cryin'
Verse 5
D
So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can
A
D
make all my fantasies come true
So I says, "Even this one
I have where Jesus Christ
G
Is jackhammering Mickey
Mouse in the doo-doo hole
hole
With a lawn dart as Garth Brooks
gives birth to something
D
Resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds
on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?"
A
D
G
Well, Well, ten beers,
Gm
G
twenty minutes and thirty dollars later
I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna
D
town if you know what I mean
A
Got to nail her back at her trailer
D
A
Heh, that rhymes
I have to admit it was even
D
more of a turn-on
When When I found out she was doin'
me to buy baby formula
Verse 6
D
A
Yes, a lap dance is so much better
D
when the stripper is cryin'
G
Yes, a lap dance is so much better
D
when the stripper is cryin'
G
Well I find it's quite a thrill
D
When she grinds me against her will
A
Yes, a lap dance is so much better
D
when the stripper is cryin'
Verse 7
D
Day or so had passed when
A
I popped the clutch
Gave the tranny a spin
D
and slid on into
The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle
Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop
G
There There There I was browsin' through
the latest issue of "Throb"
When I saw Bambi starin' at me from
D
the back of a milk carton
Well, my heart just dropped
G
So, I decided to do what
any good Christian would
D
You can not imagine how difficult it is to
hold a half gallon of moo juice
A
And polish the one-eyed gopher gopher
when your doin' seventy-five
In In an eighteen-wheeler
I I never thought missing chil
D
dren could be so sexy
Did I say that out loud?
Verse 8
D
A
Yes, a lap dance is so much better
D
when the stripper is cryin'
G
Yes, a lap dance is so much better
D
when the stripper is cryin'
G
Well I find it's quite a thrill
D
When she grinds me against her will
A
D
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Outro 1
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