The singing kettle chords by
Jerry Peal
Jerry Peal
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Key: E major
Verse 1
Eb
Eb

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Well, I guess it was back in 63 when eating
my cooking got the better of me, so I asked
this little girl I was going
with to be my wife.
Ab
Ab

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Eb
Eb

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Well, she said she would, so I said I'd do,
but I'd have said I wouldn't if I'd have just
knew how saying I'd do was gonna
Ab
Ab

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Eb
Eb

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Ab
Ab

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screw up all of my life.
Eb
Eb

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Well, the first few years weren't all that bad
I'll never forget the good times we had
Cause I'm reminded every month when
Ab
Ab

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I send her the child support
Eb
Eb

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Well, it wasn't too long
till the lust all died
And I'll admit I wasn't too surprised
The day I come home and found my
suitcase sittin' out on the porch
Ab
Ab

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Eb
Eb

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Well, I tried to get in,
Ab
Ab

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she changed the lock
Then I found this note taped
on the mailbox
That said,
Eb
Eb

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Goodbye
Bb
Bb

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Eb
Eb

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Ab
Ab

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Turkey, my tourney will be in touch
Eb
Eb

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So I decided right then and there,
Ab
Ab

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I'm gonna do what's right, give her her fair share
Eb
Eb

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But brother, I didn't know her share
was gonna be that much
Ab
Ab

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Eb
Eb

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She got the gold mine, I got the share
Ab
Ab

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They split it right down the middle,
Bb
Bb

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and then they give her the better half
Ab
Ab

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Eb
Eb

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Well it all sounds sort of funny,
Ab
Ab

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but it hurts too much to laugh
Eb
Eb

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Bb
Bb

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Eb
Eb

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She got the gold mine, I got the share
Now listen, you ain't heard nothin' yet
Why they give her the color television set
Then they give her the house,
the kids, and both of the cars
Ab
Ab

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See?
Eb
Eb

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Well then they start talkin' about child support,
alimony, and the cost of the court
It didn't take me long to figure out
Bb
Bb

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Eb
Eb

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Ab
Ab

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how far in the toilet I was
Eb
Eb

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I'm tellin' ya,
they have made a mistake
Ab
Ab

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Cause it adds up to more
than this cowboy
makes
Bb
Bb

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Besides,
Eb
Eb

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Bb
Bb

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everything I ever had worth takin'
Eb
Eb

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they've already took
Ab
Ab

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Eb
Eb

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Ab
Ab

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While she's livin' like a queen on alimony I'm workin' two shifts,
eatin' bologna
Bb
Bb

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Askin' myself,
Eb
Eb

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why didn't you just learn how to cook?
Ab
Ab

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They give her the goldmine,
got the goldmine
Eb
Eb

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They give me the shag, I got the shag
Ab
Ab

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They said they're splittin'
it all down the middle
Bb
Bb

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But she got the better half
Eb
Eb

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Well, it all sounds mighty funny
Ab
Ab

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But it hurts too much to laugh
Eb
Eb

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She got the goldmine,
Bb
Bb

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Eb
Eb

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Ab
Ab

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Eb
Eb

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Ab
Ab

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I got the shag
Bb
Bb

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Eb
Eb

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Ab
Ab

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Eb
Eb

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Ab
Ab

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Bb
Bb

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Eb
Eb

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Ab
Ab

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Eb
Eb

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Well, she got to go mad, I got to be sad
Ab
Ab

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They split it all down the middle
Bb
Bb

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And didn't give her the better hand
Eb
Eb

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Well, I guess it all sounds funny
Ab
Ab

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But it hurts too much to laugh
Eb
Eb

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She got the gold mine
Bb
Bb

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Eb
Eb

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I got the shag
Bb
Bb

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Hey,
Kevin
Eb
Eb

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Bb
Bb

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I got the shag
Eb
Eb

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But I don't have to worry about
Ab
Ab

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Bb
Bb

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tolling the bill anymore
Eb
Eb

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I'll let my wife told ya
Bb
Bb

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that I'm gonna be carrying food stamps
You get it,
Eb
Eb

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Judge?
Bb
Bb

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I'm gonna be...
Eb
Eb

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That's not funny, huh?
Bb
Bb

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Have some time to contempt the court.
What do you mean
I'm...
Eb
Eb

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Listen,
Judge, I'm just kidding.
Bb
Bb

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I mean, you can't get blood out of a...

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TunerE A D G B E
ChordsEb Ab Bb

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