You know what?
Let me tell you guys something.
Never go in another man's house
when he's not home.
If a woman asks you to
come go home with her,
the first thing you do when you get there
is look under the bed.
If you see a pair of men's shoes,
you better turn around
and get the hell outta there.
You see, I was way down south
in this little town called Infidelity,
Georgia.
Oh yeah.
A beautiful lady spotted
me in the supermarket.
She came over to me.
She said, aren't you R .C.?
I said, yeah, that's me
She said, I want you to
come home with me
Took me home, she laid me down
We made love,
seemed like a thousand times
Two o 'clock, I said, honey,
let me use your phone
I wanna call my wife and kids at home
I said, honey, I got bad news
I got a flat tire on my car
And the only jack is in the
trunk of your car
Having a good life,
she told me to take my time
Young lady came and got me
She laid me back in bed again
This time, she laid me down on my back
She said she gonna ride me
Oh, she gonna ride me
And I said, honey, I like that
By that time, I looked at my watch
It was four o 'clock
I said, let me use your telephone
Once again
Got my wife on the phone
I said, honey, I got some good news
And I got some bad news too
She said, give me the good news first
I got my flat tire fixed
Somehow, old moto just won't run
But as soon as I get a start at lettin'
Baby, don't worry
Girl, I'm comin' home to you
Aha, the lady came and got me
Laid me down in bed again
She said, we're gonna be here
Oh, forever
And I swear she was so good
The only thing I could think about
Is givin' up my happy home
Whoo!
I said, six o 'clock now
I got to call my wife
And let her know how I'm doin'
Got my wife on the phone
I said, I got everything workin'
But my wife said, honey
It's working a little bit too late
I said, why?
She said she found a man
She found another man to take my place
And then she hung up on me
I turned around, looked at this lady
She lying there with those big thighs
Whoo!
I jumped back into bed like Superman
I said, I come to stay.
She looked at me and said,
get up.
Put your clothes on.
I said, why?
She said, my husband will
be home soon.
I got up, got my pants
before I could put them on.
Somebody knocked on the door.
I said, who is it?
She said, fool, that's my husband.
What am I going to do?
She said, you better hide.
I said, in the hell can I hide in one room?
I looked around, looked under the bed
The bed was too low
Looked in the closet
It couldn't hold no more
Only place left
That's when I jumped over
the door lens
Managed to hide everything but my balls
The husband walked through the door
The first thing he did
He looked up
He said, honey, what's that?
She said, um, some doorbells
I picked them up from the
flea market yesterday
He said to her
Those are some strange looking bells
And I want to hear them ring this morning
That lady looked at her
husband and said
Honey those bells are broke,
I'm taking them back
I'm going to exchange them
for a brand new pair
But he said no, no,
before you take them back
Oh Lord, I just want to hear
them ring one time
Picked up a newspaper,
he hit me across my left ball
I pulled up out of sight,
the right one was still hanging out
He turned around to his wife
and said, Bill didn't ring, honey.
I was scared.
She said, I told you they were broke.
And I was gonna take them back
and exchange them for
a brand new pair.
He said, that's all right, too.
But I wanna hear them ring.
Oh, I wanna hear them ring
before you take them back.
Oh, Lord.
He walked over in the corner,
picked up a baseball bat
Came back and looked up,
and that's when I looked down
He had the strangest look,
the meanest look I ever seen
He drew that bat back,
the only thing I could think of
The only thing that came to my mind
I looked down and I said, ding dong
Hold it, wait a minute
That lady had the nerve to stand up,
clap her hands
And look her husband straight in the eye
And say, well, he said, well, what?
She said, my behind was saved by the bell
Whoo -hoo!
If you're ever down south
In this little town called Infidelity,
Georgia
Oh, if you ever down south
Hey, hey, this town called Infidelity,
Georgia
Ooh, you'll find a deacon
going with the preacher's wife
You'll find a preacher
going with the deacon's wife
Hey, hey, in this little town down south
Oh, a little town called Infidelity,
Georgia
Oh, a whole lot of strange things going on
Oh, it was that way ever
since the day I was born
Hey, and this little town called Newington,
Georgia
Oh, and I call it Infidelity, Georgia
Oh, a whole lot of strange things
Goes on
Early in the morning
All before dawn
A whole lot of cheating going on
All along
Late at night
Roy C. Hammond 
