Key: Ab major•
Verse 1
up there at the Calgary Stampede.
I like to rodeo.
I wish I could do that,
but I'm too out of shape for that,
but my sister did it for a long time,
and she did. She was good.
Ended up retiring her.
Gb
Ab
Nobody could stay on her for
eight years.
I tell you what, she was mean.
I'll tell you, the cowboys called her
I tell you, she was, she was a
mean one.
But I'm gonna tell you what,
this is such a thrill to do this.
I'm gonna tell you something though,
this ain't all roses up here.
I got some women
trying to get money from me right now.
Gb
Ab
They threatening to release these
sex tapes
I made with them about 17 years ago.
it just really upsets you, you know,
coming out of the woodwork.
You know what I mean?
It's just... ... Pissed me off.
Tell you what,
I'm trying to get in shape a little bit.
Ab
Db
and I guess that's a lot for Arbor Day,
Cm
I guess.
Ab
I ain't sure, but... Trying to lose a little bit of weight,
though.
My Japanese neighbor's
starting to call me Godzilla,
so I gotta do something with that,
but I blame a lot of that
on the holidays and stuff.
I always try to make my New
Gb
Year's resolutions
but I didn't do that this year.
I made two different ones
and I've kept them so far.
Eb
Ab
Well, one, I ate a booger yesterday.
All right, I didn't do that one,
but I couldn't help it.
It was dry air
and it was a good one too.
You know what I mean?
Well, you can't help it.
You don't want to,
but you're like, oh, oh,
what the hell?
You know what mean?
But I said I was gonna eat
more and get fat,
and I have done that,
Did you ever read the label
on your butterball turkey over
the holidays?
Anybody speak English at all,
or am I way off in the turkey deal?
You don't eat turkey?
My turkey said sweet, young, and juicy,
Cb
Ab
right on the dadgum label,
that ain't right.
I had my pants unsnapped
before we ate the meal,
I tell you that much, that's right.
But I do like food,
The Waffle House,
that's one of my favorite places right there, I like
the Waffle House.
Ab
Smothered and covered,
by God, you're a communist
if you don't eat it
smothered and covered.
Don't eat it too late
because you'll eat it smothered
and covered
and it'll come out scattered and splattered, I guarantee.
It ain't funny, good Lord,
I could have bent over
and pooped through a
keyhole in there, it was ridiculous.
I was madder than a one
-legged waitress
working at the IHOP,
I tell you what, here's your pancakes. H.
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TunerE A D G B E
ChordsAb Gb Db Cm Eb...
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