The Poodle Lecture chords by Frank Zappa, Frank Zappa
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Verse 1
(A major) FZ:
In the begin (G major) ning (A major) God (G major) made 'the (A major) (G major) (A major) light.' Shortly
(G major) (A major) thereafter (G major) God made (A major) three (G major) big
Mistakes. (A major) The first mistake was called MAN,
the second (G major) mistake was called
WO- MAN, and the third mistake was (A major) the invention of
THE POODLE. Now (G major) (A major) (E minor) (A major) the reason
(G major) The poodle was such a big mistake is because (A major) (G major) God
originally (A major) wanted to build a
(G major) Schnauzer, but he fucked up. Now a long (C major) (A major) time ago,
the poodle used to (G major) be a (A major) very
Attractive dog. The (G major) poodle had hair
evenly dis (A major) tributed all over its small
Pi (G major) quant canine (A major) type BODY. That's (G major) (A major) the way
it used to be, the poodle (G major) used to be a
Regular (A major) (G major) looking dog. You know it's true, I guess
you do too. (Oh, I have to
Kiss you? Oh (A major) okay.)
Anyway listen, check this out. The poodle (G major) used
Verse 2
to look good,
you know (A major) the
Regular (G major) dogs that used to hang out in (A major)
the neighbourhood looked at the poodle,
(G major) Didn't think anything of it. (A major) You know,
they didn't use (G major) to make fun of it in (A major) the
Olden days. But (G major) the WO- MAN, as you
know, has always been much smarter than the
(A major) MAN.
Guy In The (E minor) (A major) Audience:
You're (G major)
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Verse 3
the best!
FZ:
Verse 4
That stuff is very (A major) bad for you, throw it away,
okay. (G major) Now you're interrupting my
(A major) Story, now listen . . . What is that? Is that (G major)
(A major) the Tower (G major) of Power or (A major) what? Oh no
No, it's one of those dope fiend
(G major) devices, take it away. Now listen:
The WO- MAN has al (E minor) ways
Verse 5
(A major) been much smarter than the MAN,
you know (G major) this is true.
And so it was since the beginning (A major) of time.
The MAN (G major) would do anything to get
Some pussy. And (A major) that's why the WO-
MAN always (G major) had control over him.
Verse 6
In the beginning the (A major) WO- MAN looked
the MAN directly into (G major) the eye and said: (A major) "I
Tell you (G major) what, why don't you go get a job (A major) because
I (G major) could use a few nice things
Around the house. Mainly what I need (A major) is a clipper,
a scissors, and a pair of
Zircon encrusted tweezers." (Thank you
(G major) very much.)
(A major) An d of course
Verse 7
the MAN did his duty as
they say in the trade. He (G major) went out and he
Got a goddamn job. (A major) Went out and pushed
that broom around for about (G major) a
Dollar- 2.98 an (A major) hour, brought his money back
to the garden of Eden and gave that
(G major) Money to the (E minor) WO- MAN.
Verse 8
The (A major) WO- MAN ran out the (G major) back door of the garden
of Eden, went dir (A major) ectly to (G major) (A major) the
Hardware store, (G major) got the clip (A major) pers,
the scissors (G major) and the zircon encrusted
Tweezers (A major) and came (G major) back and, while the
(A major) MAN (G major) was very tired from having his (A major) job,
While he was sleeping, the (G major) (A major) (G major) WO- (A major) MAN got a (G major) hold (A major)
(G major) of the POODLE. Because (A major) (G major) the WO- (A major) MAN (G major)
Had noticed (E minor) earlier (A major) that the
length and proportion of the poodle oral
Ap (G major) pendage, the tongue of the dog in other (A major) words,
ladies and gentlemen, was very
Much to her liking, except that (G major) (A major) (G major) this dog
had (A major) too goddamn much hair on it. It
Didn't have (G major) the disco look that's (A major)
so popular (G major) nowadays.
Verse 9
And so the WO- MAN (A major) sat out to modify
the aforementioned (G major) dog. Let me (A major) get a little
Uh, visual aid (G major) . . .
Verse 10
Now she took the (A major) dog and she (G major) cleaned
it up (A major) a (G major) little (A major) bit. You see, she took a
Little (G major) bit of the back- part here, around the (A major) neck,
the thorax, the tootsies.
Got all (G major) of the unwanted extranious material off
this area (A major) (G major) (A major) which we shall (G major) call
Burbank. Then she (A major) (G major) set the (A major) little sucker up like this,
(G major) really nice, got (A major) his
Mouth set up (G major) like that. (G major) (A major) And squatted right ON HIM.
Looking down in (G major) to the dog's (A major) (A major)
Eyes. (G major) She looked down into the dog's eyes,
do you (A major) know what (G major) she said to the
Dog? She said:
The Poodle Lecture
Frank Zappa, Frank Zappa
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