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MaddProfessor
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The Poodle Lecture chords by 
Frank ZappaFrank Zappa
N/A•
Verse 1
A
FZ:
G
A
G
A
G
A
In the beginning God made 'the light.' Shortly
G
A
G
A
G
thereafter God made three big
A
Mistakes. The first mistake was called MAN,
G
the second mistake was called
A
WO- MAN, and the third mistake was the invention of
G
A
Em
A
THE POODLE. Now the reason
G
A
G
The poodle was such a big mistake is because God
A
originally wanted to build a
G
C
A
Schnauzer, but he fucked up. Now a long time ago,
G
A
the poodle used to be a very
G
Attractive dog. The poodle had hair
A
evenly distributed all over its small
G
A
G
A
Piquant canine type BODY. That's the way
G
it used to be, the poodle used to be a
A
G
Regular looking dog. You know it's true, I guess
you do too. (Oh, I have to
A
Kiss you? Oh okay.)
G
Anyway listen, check this out. The poodle used
Verse 2
to look good,
A
you know the
G
A
Regular dogs that used to hang out in
the neighbourhood looked at the poodle,
G
A
Didn't think anything of it. You know,
G
A
they didn't use to make fun of it in the
G
Olden days. But the WO- MAN, as you
know, has always been much smarter than the
A
MAN.
Em
A
Guy In The Audience:
G
You're
Verse 3
the best!
FZ:
Verse 4
A
That stuff is very bad for you, throw it away,
G
okay. Now you're interrupting my
A
G
Story, now listen . . . What is that? Is that
A
G
A
the Tower of Power or what? Oh no
No, it's one of those dope fiend
G
devices, take it away. Now listen:
Em
The WO- MAN has always
Verse 5
A
been much smarter than the MAN,
G
you know this is true.
A
And so it was since the beginning of time.
G
The MAN would do anything to get
A
Some pussy. And that's why the WO-
G
MAN always had control over him.
Verse 6
A
In the beginning the WO- MAN looked
G
A
the MAN directly into the eye and said: "I
G
A
Tell you what, why don't you go get a job because
G
I could use a few nice things
A
Around the house. Mainly what I need is a clipper,
a scissors, and a pair of
Zircon encrusted tweezers." (Thank you
G
very much.)
A
An d of course
Verse 7
the MAN did his duty as
G
they say in the trade. He went out and he
A
Got a goddamn job. Went out and pushed
G
that broom around for about a
A
Dollar- 2.98 an hour, brought his money back
to the garden of Eden and gave that
G
Em
Money to the WO- MAN.
Verse 8
A
G
The WO- MAN ran out the back door of the garden
A
G
A
of Eden, went directly to the
G
A
Hardware store, got the clippers,
G
the scissors and the zircon encrusted
A
G
Tweezers and came back and, while the
A
G
A
MAN was very tired from having his job,
G
A
G
A
G
A
While he was sleeping, the WO- MAN got a hold
G
A
G
A
G
of the POODLE. Because the WO- MAN
Em
A
Had noticed earlier that the
length and proportion of the poodle oral
G
A
Appendage, the tongue of the dog in other words,
ladies and gentlemen, was very
G
A
G
Much to her liking, except that this dog
A
had too goddamn much hair on it. It
G
A
Didn't have the disco look that's
G
so popular nowadays.
Verse 9
A
And so the WO- MAN sat out to modify
G
A
the aforementioned dog. Let me get a little
G
Uh, visual aid . . .
Verse 10
A
G
Now she took the dog and she cleaned
A
G
A
it up a little bit. You see, she took a
G
A
Little bit of the back- part here, around the neck,
the thorax, the tootsies.
G
Got all of the unwanted extranious material off
A
G
A
G
this area which we shall call
A
G
A
Burbank. Then she set the little sucker up like this,
G
A
really nice, got his
G
G
A
Mouth set up like that. And squatted right ON HIM.
G
A
A
Looking down into the dog's
G
Eyes. She looked down into the dog's eyes,
A
G
do you know what she said to the
Dog? She said:
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