Champagne Lecture chords by Frank Zappa, The Mothers
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Verse 1
(C major) (G major) (C major) You (G major) know, a lot of people don't (C major) bother about (G major)
their friends in (C major) (G major) the predictable kingdom.
They (C major) think, (G major) what can (C major) I say?
What (G major) can a person who
is new (C major) to the Midwest
say (G major) (C major) to (G major) a vegetable?
(C major) Shoshanowankas! (G major) (C major) Shoshanowankas! Shoshanow (G major) ankas! (C major) Shoshanowankas! (G major) Shoshanow (C major) ankas! Suck (G major) it up,
Wankers! Hey! (C major) (G major) Suck (C major) it up, Wankers. (G major) (C major)
(G major) Smoke (C major) it, you go,
and get yourself a (G major) (C major) big bottle
(G major) of (C major) champagne. (G major) (C major)
Find (G major) yourself a young Vegetable victim!
Yeah! Shoot, shoot!
Take your young vegetable victim!
Shoot, Step one,
and this is very important,
you have to do it exactly this way.
Shoot, (C major) shoot!
(G major) Bring the band on down behind me,
boy.
This gets technical.
Shoot, Burst!
(C major) Shoot, shoot!
You get (G major) a Polaroid camera.
(C major) an (G major) d you (C major) make (G major) one (C major) good jump from
a balcony (G major) to an (C major) other balcony
on (G major) the 7th floor of the Sheraton (C major) Hotel in Jacksonville. (G major)
(C major) When you land on the other balcony
with your Polaroid camera,
something like this, Hey! (G major) (C major)
Shoot off (G major) one good (C major) flashbulb.
Catching.
The agent (G major) will immediately turn around
(C major) an d say, you know, I sure would
(G major) like to have that (C major) photograph. (G major)
(C major) You walk up to the agent
and say, well,
funny you should mention it.
I have this photograph here.
Just about time to develop it.
Yes, it turned out (G major) great.
It shows both of you here.
And (C major) I'll give you this photograph,
and you'll give me the munch
(G major) kin vegetable that you're (C major) with.
in order that I might
make a few more pictures.
(G major) So you (C major) make a quick trade,
holding the champagne bottle in abeyance,
(G major) until the rest of the members of
your band
have jumped over the same (C major) balcony (G major) (C major) (G major) an d come in and taken their places (C major) around the bed where the munchkin (G major) vegetable (C major) is laid out,
pos (G major) ing, (C major) leg up in the air, laying (G major) down, (C major) back to the (G major) side.
(C major) Then, after some deft manipulation
(G major) of (C major) the vital parts of the munchkin vegetable,
I want (F major) (G major) some baby (C major) to hold
my tool and (G major) squeal. (C major) (G major)
(C major) With (G major) one master (C major) ful stroke,
or maybe (G major) several mas (C major) terful strokes,
Shake up the magnum of champagne
to a (G major) foamy (C major) froth,
holding your thumb
over the end of (G major) it. (C major) (G major) (C major)
(G major)
(C major) After the band has given
you complete attention
and is watching closely
for the precise moment
of the denonation of
the alcoholic beverage
into the vital organ. (G major)
(C major) You give a sort of casual glance
around the bedroom of the Sheraton.
A suave (G major) little smile (C major) and wink one eye,
adjust your bow tie,
and just stuff it right in there. (G major) (C major) (G major)
(C major) And then you tell
them how you feel. (G major) (C major)
You whip it right out,
take a snort off of it. (G major)
(C major) How do you feel? (G major) (C major)
Champagne Lecture
Frank Zappa, The Mothers
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