your horoscope for today chords by Weird Al Yankovic
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Intro 1
(C major) (D minor) (E minor)
(F major) (Gsus4) (G major)
(C major) (A minor) (G major)
Verse 1
AQUARI (G major) US!
(C major) There's travel in your (B flat major) future
when your tongue (C major) freezes
to the (F major) back of a speeding bus (C major)
Fill that void (B flat major) in your pathetic
life (C major) by playing Whack-A-
Mole 17 (F major) hours (G major) a day (C major)
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Verse 2
PISCES! Try to avoid (B flat major)
any Virgos or Leos (C major)
with the (F major) Ebola virus (C major)
You are the true (B flat major) Lord of the Dance, (C major)
no matter what
those (F major) idiots at (G major) work say
Verse 3
(G major) ARIES!
The look (C major) on your face (B flat major) will be
priceless when you (C major) find
that 40-pound (F major) watermelon in your (C major) colon
Trade tooth (B flat major) brushes with an al (C major) bino dwarf,
then give a
(F major) hickey to (G major) Meryl Streep
Verse 4
(C major) TAURUS!
You will never find (B flat major) true happiness
(C major) - what you gonna
do, (F major) cry about it? (C major)
The stars predict tomorrow (F major) you'll wake up (C major) ,
do a bunch
of stuff and then (G major) go back to sleep (C major)
Verse 5
That's your horoscope (D minor)
for (E minor) today (F major) (C major)
That's your horo (Gsus4) scope
for (G major) today (C major) (A minor) (G major) (C major)
That's your (D minor) horoscope for
today (E minor) (F major) (C major) (Gsus4)
That's your horoscope for (G major)
today
(C major)
Verse 6
(A minor) (G major)
GEMINI!
(C major) Your birthday party (B flat major) will be
ruined once (C major) again by your
ex (F major) plosive flatulence
(C major) Your love life will run (B flat major) into
trouble your (C major) fiance
hurls a javelin (F major) through (G major) your chest
Verse 7
CANCER! (G major)
(C major) The position of Jupiter (B flat major) says
that you should (C major) spend the
rest of the week (F major) face (C major) down (F major) in (C major) the mud
Try not to shove (B flat major) a roll of duct (C major)
tape up your nose while
tak (F major) ing your driver (G major) 's test
Verse 8
(G major) LEO!
(C major) Now is not a good time (B flat major) to (F major) (B flat major)
photocopy your but (C major) t and
staple it to your boss's face, (F major) oh (C major) no
Eat a bucket of tuna- (B flat major) flavored pudding,
pudding, then wash (C major) it
down with a gal (F major) lon of
strawberry (G major) (C major) Quik
Verse 9
(B flat major) VIRGO!
All Virgos are extremely friendly (C major)
and intel (F major) ligent -
except for (C major) you
Expect a big (B flat major) surprise today
(C major) when you wind up with
your head impaled (G major) upon a stick (C major)
Verse 10
That's your horo (D minor) scope for
today (E minor) (F major) (C major) (Gsus4)
That's your horoscope (G major) for
today (C major) (A minor) (G major) (C major)
That's your horoscope (D minor) for
today (E minor) (F major) (C major) (Gsus4)
That's your horoscope
(G major) for today
(C major) (A minor) (G major)
Verse 11
(F major) Now you may find it incon
(G major) ceivable or at the very (E minor) least
a bit unlikely that the re (F major) lative
position of the planets
and the stars could have a spe
(G major) cial deep significance or
(C major) meaning that exclusively ap
plies (A minor) to only (G major) you, but let
me (F major) give you my assurance that
these fore (G major) casts and
predictions are all (E minor) based on solid,
scientific, (F major) documented
evidence, so you would have
to be some kind of
(G major) moron not to realize that (C major) every
single one of them is
(A minor) absolutely true.
(G major) Where was I?
Verse 12
(C major) LIBRA!
A big pro (B flat major) motion is just around
the corner (C major) for someone
much more (F major) talented than you (C major)
Laughter is the (B flat major) very best medicine,
re (C major) member that
when your appendix (F major) burst
(G major) s next week
Verse 13
(C major) SCORPIO!
Get ready for an (B flat major) unexpected
trip (C major) when you fall
screaming from an (F major) open window (C major)
Work a little bit harder (B flat major) on improving your
low (C major) self esteem, (F major) you stu (G major) pid freak
Verse 14
(G major) SAGIT (C major) TARIUS!
All your friend (B flat major) s are laughing
behind (C major) your back... (F major)
kill (C major) them
Take down all those na (B flat major) ked
pictures of Ernest (C major) Borgnine
you've got (F major) hanging in (G major)
Verse 15
your den
(C major) CAPRICORN!
The stars (B flat major) say that you're an
excit (C major) ing and wonderful
per (F major) son... but you know they're (C major) lying
If I were you, I'd (B flat major) lock my doors
and windows and nev (C major) er
never never never never leave
my house again
Verse 16
That's (D minor) (E minor) your (F major) (Gsus4)
horoscope for (G major) today (C major) (A minor) (G major)
(C major)
That's your horo (D minor) scope
for today (E minor) (F major) (C major)
(Gsus4) That's (C major) (Gsus4) your (G major) (C major) (A minor) (G major) (C major)
horo (D minor) scope
for today (E minor) (F major) (Gsus4)
(G major) (C major) (A minor) (G major) (C major)
That's your horoscope (D minor) for
Outro 1
today
(E minor) (F major) (Gsus4) (G major)
(C major)
your horoscope for today
Weird Al Yankovic
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