My brother's magazine chords by Ivor Biggun
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Verse 1
(F major) Oh show me a home where
the (B flat major) buffalo roam
And I'll (F major) show you a house full of (G major) dung...
For (C major) god's sake Ivor,
did I spend three years at the Paris Conservetoire
to play this sort of rubbish? Don't you know anything
else? (G major)
(B flat major) (C major) (C minor) (G major) (B flat major)
Verse 2
(C major) (C minor)
(G major) My brother's in the mer
(A minor) chant navy
(F major) He brings me things from where
(C major) he's been
Letters (G major) from France (D major) and caps
(A major) from Holland
(F major) And once from Denmark
a mucky (C major) magazine
(G major) And I remembered mother's (E major) advice
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Verse 3
(C major)
If I ever looked at photographs
that weren't (D major) quite nice
(G major) I'd turn to stone right there (E major)
(A major) Part of me did (D major) but I just didn't
(G major) care (D major)
(G major) And I'll bet you a quid
Verse 4
that you've (D major) never seen
(F major) Anything like my brother's (G major) magazine
I bet you a quid that you've
(D major) never seen
(F major) Anything like my brother
(C major) 's (G major) magazine (B flat major)
(C major) 'Ere, is this photograph (E flat major) the
(G major) right way up? (B flat major) (C major) (E flat major)
Verse 5
(G major) Spotty- arsed fellas (A major) and great big women
(F major) At it like knives (C major) on battered settees
(G major) And two blokes from Totten (A major) ham who
can tie a knot in (F major) 'em
And still have (C major) donglers to
their knees
And a pic (G major) ture of utter deprav (E major) ity
(C major) A dentist filling quite the (D major) wrong cavity
(G major) A midget with a tattooed dong
(E major) And (A major) the words and ukelele chords for
an (D major) Ivor (G major) biggun song
Verse 6
A lady you can see (A major)
isn't really a blonde
(F major) Posing with a parsnip very (C major) biologic (G major) al
Another who grins (D major) from where
she (A minor) had twins
(F major) Not pornographic,
just (C major) (G major) gynecological
And a lingum and a yon (E major) i,
two (C major) Egyptian women and a shet (G major) land pony
Appliances and (E major) PVC and (A major) something that looks
a bit (D major) like a coconut (G major) to me (D major)
(G major) And I'll bet you a quid
Verse 7
that you've (D major) never seen
(F major) Anything like my brother's (C major) magazine
(G major) I bet you a quid that you've
(D major) never seen
(F major) Anything like my brother (C major) 's
(G major) magazine (B flat major)
(C major) (E flat major) (G major)
Verse 8
(B flat major) (C major)
(C minor) If (G major) I ever grow up (D major) I'd like (A major) to be like
(F major) A pink pony poser pay
(C major) for intercourse
(G major) With me rocks off knocks
(D major) off without (A major) taking socks (F major) off
A big John Thomas
(C major) like the milkman's horse
(G major) Latex
Verse 9
(E major) (C major) genitalia, something filled with batteries
that's popular (D major) with sailor (G major) s
A picture that leaves no doubt
(E major) As (A major) to whether Linda Lovelace really
(D major) had her ton (G major) sils out (D major)
Verse 10
(G major) And I'll bet you a quid
that you've (D major) never seen
(F major) Anything like my brother's (C major) magazine
(G major) I bet you a quid that you've
(D major) never seen
(F major) Anything like my brother (C major) 's
(G major) magazine (B flat major) (C major) (E flat major)
Verse 11
(G major) 'Ere there's a book in here
(B flat major) advert (C major) ised. It's called
"I tried to (E flat major) be a homosexual (G major) but I was only half
(B flat major) in Ern (C major) est"
There's a stripper (E flat major) as well,
also, (G major) with a (B flat major) 73" bust.
(C major) She doesn't have (E flat major) much of an act.
She (G major) just crawls onto the (B flat major) stage (C major) an d tries
to stand up. (C minor)
(G major) Here's an advert. "They all laughed (B flat major) when I sat (C major) down to play then (E flat major) I realised (G major) I'd left the bathroom
door open. (B flat major) And (C major) then there's some obscene re (E flat major) cords. (G major) Who's this Judge (B flat major) Dread then? (C major)
"I used to kiss (C minor) you on the (G major) lips
but now it's all over."
(B flat major) "I will love (C major) you when you get (E flat major) old.
So please (G major) get 'old of this."
(B flat major) And (C major) what's this a photograph of? (E flat major) (G major) Oooh
It can't be? (B flat major) (C major) It couldn't be? (E flat major) (G major) It isn't is it?
My brother's magazine
Ivor biggun
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