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My brother's magazine easy guitar chords by 
Ivor Biggun
N/A•
Verse 1
F
Oh show me a home where
Bb
the buffalo roam
F
G
And I'll show you a house full of dung...
C
For god's sake Ivor,
did I spend three years at the Paris Conservetoire
to play this sort of rubbish? Don't you know anything
G
else?
Bb
C
Cm
G
Bb
Verse 2
C
Cm
G
My brother's in the mer
Am
chant navy
F
He brings me things from where
C
he's been
G
D
Letters from France and caps
A
from Holland
F
And once from Denmark
C
a mucky magazine
G
E
And I remembered mother's advice
Verse 3
C
If I ever looked at photographs
D
that weren't quite nice
G
E
I'd turn to stone right there
A
D
Part of me did but I just didn't
G
D
care
G
And I'll bet you a quid
Verse 4
D
that you've never seen
F
G
Anything like my brother's magazine
I bet you a quid that you've
D
never seen
F
Anything like my brother
C
G
Bb
's magazine
C
Eb
'Ere, is this photograph the
G
Bb
C
Eb
right way up?
Verse 5
G
A
Spotty- arsed fellas and great big women
F
C
At it like knives on battered settees
G
A
And two blokes from Tottenham who
F
can tie a knot in 'em
C
And still have donglers to
their knees
G
E
And a picture of utter depravity
C
D
A dentist filling quite the wrong cavity
G
A midget with a tattooed dong
E
A
And the words and ukelele chords for
D
G
an Ivor biggun song
Verse 6
A
A lady you can see
isn't really a blonde
F
C
G
Posing with a parsnip very biological
D
Another who grins from where
Am
she had twins
F
Not pornographic,
C
G
just gynecological
E
And a lingum and a yoni,
C
G
two Egyptian women and a shetland pony
E
A
Appliances and PVC and something that looks
D
G
D
a bit like a coconut to me
G
And I'll bet you a quid
Verse 7
D
that you've never seen
F
C
Anything like my brother's magazine
G
I bet you a quid that you've
D
never seen
F
C
Anything like my brother's
G
Bb
magazine
C
Eb
G
Verse 8
Bb
C
Cm
G
D
A
If I ever grow up I'd like to be like
F
A pink pony poser pay
C
for intercourse
G
With me rocks off knocks
D
A
F
off without taking socks off
A big John Thomas
C
like the milkman's horse
G
Latex
Verse 9
E
C
genitalia, something filled with batteries
D
G
that's popular with sailors
A picture that leaves no doubt
E
A
As to whether Linda Lovelace really
D
G
D
had her tonsils out
Verse 10
G
And I'll bet you a quid
D
that you've never seen
F
C
Anything like my brother's magazine
G
I bet you a quid that you've
D
never seen
F
C
Anything like my brother's
G
Bb
C
Eb
magazine
Verse 11
G
'Ere there's a book in here
Bb
C
advertised. It's called
Eb
G
"I tried to be a homosexual but I was only half
Bb
C
in Ernest"
Eb
There's a stripper as well,
G
Bb
also, with a 73" bust.
C
Eb
She doesn't have much of an act.
G
Bb
C
She just crawls onto the stage an d tries
Cm
to stand up.
G
Bb
C
Eb
G
Here's an advert. "They all laughed when I sat down to play then I realised I'd left the bathroom
Bb
C
Eb
G
Bb
C
door open. And then there's some obscene records. Who's this Judge Dread then?
Cm
G
"I used to kiss you on the lips
but now it's all over."
Bb
C
Eb
"I will love you when you get old.
G
So please get 'old of this."
Bb
C
Eb
G
And what's this a photograph of? Oooh
Bb
C
Eb
G
It can't be? It couldn't be? It isn't is it?
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