Key: A major•
Verse 1
G
A
And I'll show you a house full of dung...
did I spend three years at the Paris Conservetoire
to play this sort of rubbish? Don't you know anything
A
else?
C
D
Dm
A
C
Verse 2
D
Dm
Bm
chant navy
D
he's been
A
E
Letters from France and caps
B
from Holland
A
F#
And I remembered mother's advice
Verse 3
D
If I ever looked at photographs
A
F#
I'd turn to stone right there
B
E
Part of me did but I just didn't
A
E
care
Verse 4
G
A
Anything like my brother's magazine
I bet you a quid that you've
E
never seen
D
A
C
's magazine
D
F
'Ere, is this photograph the
A
C
D
F
right way up?
Verse 5
A
B
Spotty- arsed fellas and great big women
G
D
At it like knives on battered settees
A
B
And two blokes from Tottenham who
their knees
A
F#
And a picture of utter depravity
D
E
A dentist filling quite the wrong cavity
F#
B
And the words and ukelele chords for
E
A
an Ivor biggun song
Verse 6
isn't really a blonde
G
D
A
Posing with a parsnip very biological
D
A
just gynecological
D
A
two Egyptian women and a shetland pony
F#
B
Appliances and PVC and something that looks
E
A
E
a bit like a coconut to me
Verse 7
G
D
Anything like my brother's magazine
E
never seen
G
D
Anything like my brother's
A
C
magazine
D
F
A
Verse 8
C
D
Dm
A
E
B
If I ever grow up I'd like to be like
D
for intercourse
E
B
G
off without taking socks off
A big John Thomas
A
Latex
Verse 9
F#
D
genitalia, something filled with batteries
E
A
that's popular with sailors
A picture that leaves no doubt
F#
B
As to whether Linda Lovelace really
E
A
E
had her tonsils out
Verse 10
G
D
Anything like my brother's magazine
G
D
Anything like my brother's
A
C
D
F
magazine
Verse 11
C
D
advertised. It's called
F
A
"I tried to be a homosexual but I was only half
C
D
in Ernest"
A
C
also, with a 73" bust.
D
F
She doesn't have much of an act.
A
C
D
She just crawls onto the stage an d tries
A
C
D
F
A
Here's an advert. "They all laughed when I sat down to play then I realised I'd left the bathroom
C
D
F
A
C
D
door open. And then there's some obscene records. Who's this Judge Dread then?
Dm
A
"I used to kiss you on the lips
but now it's all over."
C
D
F
"I will love you when you get old.
C
D
F
A
And what's this a photograph of? Oooh
C
D
F
A
It can't be? It couldn't be? It isn't is it?
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TunerE A D G B E
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