that wrote the book on etiquette.
I know just how all your vittles
Take them down and don't forget
Always leave the spoon up in the coffee.
Napkins are to catch the food
that bounces off the knife.
Tuck the napkin in so it will stay.
Always put both elbows on the table.
Many other pointers I could mention.
Always gesture with your fork.
Friday means it's fish or pork.
Pick a pumpkin pie up in your hand,
that you can safely reach.
Read Rule 82, you'll understand.
Wipe your plate with bread
Many other pointers I could mention.
Grab your glass of Whip on drop,
always finish when you stop.
Always mix the peas with the potatoes.
This makes eating with a knife a cinch.
When someone asks for bread,
grab several in your mouth.
Dill them out like you was dillin' a flinch.
you might sometimes drop one.
Many other pointers I could mention.
Put your gum beneath your plate,
eat so fast you won't be late.
Never cut spaghetti up in pieces.
Eat it like a chicken eating worms.
be sure to eat the force of force.
Watch out for bacteria and germs.
When you're eating grapefruit,
wear your goggles, wear your goggles.
Many other pointers I could mention.
Finger balls are so close by,
in the bench a glass runs dry.
Thank you for your very kind affair.