I Am the Douche (Oh No!) chords by Jonathan Mann

SimplifiedD · G · F#m · A

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Verse 1
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There  (D major) was  (G major) this guy on the  (D major) plane,
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who I was  (F sharp minor) quite sure
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was a douche.  (A major) 
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 (G major) He was watching Green Lantern,
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and doing lots  (A major) of douchey things.
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He was yelling  (G major) at the  (D major) screen,
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 (A major) he's get (F sharp minor) ting   (A major) pretty rowdy.
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And the douch (G major) iest thing of all
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is that it's  (A major) such a bad movie  (G major)  (D major)  (G major)  (D major)  (A major) 
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But then the  (G major) plane it landed
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 (A major) overheard  (F sharp minor) his   conversation
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With  (A major) the  (G major) elderly couple in front of him
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He  (A major) seemed like a really nice guy
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I  (G major) felt bad about judging  (D major) him,
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 (F sharp minor) as    open the over had been
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My  (G major) baritone uke fell out,
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and hit  (A major) the woman he was talking
to on the head
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And so I  (G major) am the  (D major) dude, oh  (A major) yeah
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I am the  (D major) dude
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I thought  (G major) he was  (D major) a dude, but  (A major) no
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In my  (G major) smug satisfaction,
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 (F sharp minor) my close -minded small reactions
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Turns out  (G major) I  am the  (D major) dish,  (A major) oh no, oh  (D major) no  (G major)  (D major)  (A major) 
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I stepped  (G major) out into the  (D major) street
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One  (A major)  (F sharp minor) very late night in Brooklyn
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A  (G major) cab almost hit me
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My girl (A major) friend, she pulled me back
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She  (G major) yelled out at the  (D major) cab
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An (A major) d  she  (F sharp minor) threw the only
thing that she had
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 (A major) Which unfortu (G major) nately was  (A major) her wallet
It got stuck on the back of the trunk
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And as  (G major) we set off running
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 (D major) I   (F sharp minor) expressed  to her my annoyance
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Hey,  (G major) why'd you throw your
wallet?
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What the hell was  (A major) go
ing through your mind?
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But  (G major) later on I  (D major) realized  (A major) she was
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 (F sharp minor) just so angry and scared
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She was  (G major) only trying to protect me
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And I  (A major) reacted like a douche
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And so  (G major) I  am the  (D major) douche
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Oh yeah,  (A major) I  am the  (D major) douche
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I thought  (G major) she was  (D major) the douche
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But,  (A major) no
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And my  (G major) smug satisfac (D major) tion
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My  (F sharp minor) closed -minded small reaction
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Turns  (G major) out I am the  (D major) douche
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Oh,  (A major) no
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Oh,  (D major) no  (G major)  (D major)  (A major) 
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Well, I think  (G major) douching as a  (D major) practice
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 (F sharp minor) seems pretty silly.
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 (A major) Af (G major) ter all, don't vaginas mostly
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 (A major) take care of themselves?
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So  (G major) douche as an  (D major) insult
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 (F sharp minor) is    actually really fitting to  (G major) describe
how it feels
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when you overthink  (A major) it all to hell.
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For a  (G major) while I lived in New York City
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 (D major) and I'd  (F sharp minor) go to Williamsbur (A major) g,
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and I'd look  (G major) at all the hipsters
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And I'd think,  (A major) man, there goes a douche
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Can be  (G major) hard not to  (D major) judge
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It's  (A major) only ourselves  (F sharp minor) we    see
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 (A major) Reflec (G major) ted in others' choices
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It  (A major) turns out that the  (G major) douche is  (D major) me  (G major) 
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 (A major) And so  (G major) I  am the  (D major) dude,
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oh yeah,  (A major) I  am the  (D major) dude
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I thought  (G major) they were the  (D major) dude, but no  (A major) 
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With my  (G major) smug satisfaction,
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F#m 
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 (D major) I close  (F sharp minor) my dead  (A major) small reaction
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Turns out  (G major) I am the  (D major) dude, oh no
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 (A major) Oh,  (D major) no.  (G major) 
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 (D major)  (A major)  (D major)  (G major)  (A major)  (G major)  (D major) 