Bizarre Christmas Incident chords by
Ben Folds

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Key: E major

Verse 1

C#dim

(Ho ho ho!)

Verse 2

Hey grandpa, let's tell them the little

story about this Christmas

(Yeah tell 'em,

tell 'em about Christmas!)

Verse 3
A A 
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D D 
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Christmas Eve,
Gm Gm 3
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G G 
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I didn't get much sleep
E E 
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A A 
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I kept hearing things
D D 
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Heavy breathing from the chimney,
Gm Gm 3
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G G 
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D D 
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who could it be?
E E 
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(Iknow who

Verse 4
it was)
A A 
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(What happened then, Ben?)
(Yeah, what happened?)
C#dim C#dim 4
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D D 
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I went back to       sleep
G G 
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E E 
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(Back to sleep?  Shit!)
I'm tired if I don't have sleep
A A 
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C#dim C#dim 4
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D D 
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G G 
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D D 
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G G 
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Verse 5
E E 
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A A 
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And in the morn'
D D 
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Gm Gm 3
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G G 
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D D 
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E E 
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I couldn't believe my  eyes
A A 
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A whale of a corpse
D D 
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With a long white beard was
Gm Gm 3
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hangin' over the fire
G G 
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Oh, Santa's

Verse 6
E E 
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A A 
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he's a big fat fuck
D D 
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Went down the chimney
G G 
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got his fat ass suck
D D 
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E E 
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A A 
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Oh honey call the lawyers fast
D D 
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G G 
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'Cause Mrs. Claus is gonna sue my ass
B B 2
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Hey hey

Verse 7

hey (hey!) yeah

(Ohh, oh oh)

Verse 8
E E 
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A A 
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Ok grandpa, step up
C#dim C#dim 4
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D D 
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Sing in this thing    right here
Tell them what you saw,
G G 
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tell them what you saw grandpa

Verse 9
E E 
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Abdim Abdim 6
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A A 
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D D 
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I gotta tell you      folks
He wasn't wearin' no
G G 
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clothes (no clothes!)
E E 
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He must have rubbed the whole
A A 
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gallon of Crisco off
C#dim C#dim 4
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D D 
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G G 
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From his      back and down to his toes
E E 
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Well, I  was

Verse 10
A A 
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talking to the cops outside
D D 
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Gm Gm 3
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The dog was lickin' Crisco off of his thighs
G G 
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E E 
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A A 
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They hauled him away in a double wide
D D 
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G G 
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What a sad, sad way to die,
E E 
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hey hey hey!

Verse 11
E E 
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A A 
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Santa's he's a big fat fuck
D D 
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Went down the chimney
got his fat ass stuck
Oh honey call the lawyers fast
A A 
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Mrs. Claus is gonna sue our ass

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