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Bizarre Christmas Incident chords by 
Ben Folds
N/A•
Verse 1
G
D
A
E
A
C#dim
(Ho ho ho!)
Verse 2
D
G
Hey grandpa, let's tell them the little
E
story about this Christmas
A
(Yeah tell 'em,
D
G
E
tell 'em about Christmas!)
Verse 3
A
D
Christmas Eve,
Gm
G
I didn't get much sleep
E
A
I kept hearing things
D
Heavy breathing from the chimney,
Gm
G
D
who could it be?
E
(Iknow who
Verse 4
it was)
A
(What happened then, Ben?)
(Yeah, what happened?)
C#dim
D
I went back to sleep
G
E
(Back to sleep? Shit!)
I'm tired if I don't have sleep
A
C#dim
D
G
D
G
Verse 5
E
A
And in the morn'
D
Gm
G
D
E
I couldn't believe my eyes
A
A whale of a corpse
D
With a long white beard was
Gm
hangin' over the fire
G
Oh, Santa's
Verse 6
E
A
he's a big fat fuck
D
Went down the chimney
G
got his fat ass suck
D
E
A
Oh honey call the lawyers fast
D
G
'Cause Mrs. Claus is gonna sue my ass
B
Hey hey
Verse 7
E
A
hey (hey!) yeah
D
(Ohh, oh oh)
Gm
G
Verse 8
E
A
Ok grandpa, step up
C#dim
D
Sing in this thing right here
Tell them what you saw,
G
tell them what you saw grandpa
Verse 9
E
Abdim
A
D
I gotta tell you folks
He wasn't wearin' no
G
clothes (no clothes!)
E
He must have rubbed the whole
A
gallon of Crisco off
C#dim
D
G
From his back and down to his toes
E
Well, I was
Verse 10
A
talking to the cops outside
D
Gm
The dog was lickin' Crisco off of his thighs
G
E
A
They hauled him away in a double wide
D
G
What a sad, sad way to die,
E
hey hey hey!
Verse 11
E
A
Santa's he's a big fat fuck
D
Went down the chimney
got his fat ass stuck
Oh honey call the lawyers fast
A
Mrs. Claus is gonna sue our ass
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