You Don't Want To Know chords by Loudon Wainwright III

SimplifiedD · G · Bm · A · Em …

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Verse 1
D 
It was colder than a witches tit,
G 
D 
colder than a Polar bear's nose
Colder than the shoulder of my old flame,
Bm 
G 
A 
colder than hell ever knows
G 
D 
Not quite as cold as you think it is
G 
Bm 
G 
when the wind chill factors blow
D 
But at Centigrade and Fahrenheit
A 
D 
it felt way below zero

Verse 2
D 
The electric duvet was cranked way up
To 10, the gas fires were on full blast
When I get the bills from both of those
A 
Boards I don't know if the money will last
G 
A 
D 
I was fully clothed in my entire
Bm 
G 
Wardrobe but I still couldn't feel my toes
D 
The pipes all burst and we had another
A 
First, the water in the toilet
D 
bowl froze

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Verse 3
D 
When the radio ordered me to stay at home
I obeyed though I was miffed
But the roads were ice,
There was a ton of snow,
Em 
A 
and when the wind blows snow will drift
G 
D 
I was brushing and flossing my
Chattering teeth and in the
G 
Bm 
G 
mirror I saw my breath
D 
Half frozen watching the TV news,
A 
The other half of me was
D 
worried to death

Verse 4
D 
We've got helicopter
rescues and freezing
G 
Old ladies and the choochoo
D 
trains won't go
G 
On the M4 there's a 5 mile tailback, lorries
A 
jacknifing in the snow
G 
D 
And it's summertime down in
Em 
Australia and what gets
G 
right under my skin
D 
On the TV they showing suntanned
Cricketers,
A 
D 
they're just rubbing it in!

Verse 5
D 
And they're saying it's from Siberia,
G 
D 
that Communist, Arctic zone
What we've got is a Russian plot to make
G 
A 
the World it's ice- cream cone
G 
D 
Whether we're gonna get a break,
G 
Bm 
G 
the weatherman will not say
D 
I took my dog for a walk and he took a
A 
Crap, you won't smell
F#m 
D 
it until April or May

Verse 6
D 
And the same thing happened here last year,
G 
D 
but you don't want to know
In England people go around
wearing
G 
A 
Raincoats and training shoes in the snow
G 

Interlude 1

Verse 7
D 
It was the coldest day on record,
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D 
in the coldest week in memory
It was the coldest month in the
G 
A 
Coldest year on the coldest night in history
G 
D 
But don't ask me just how cold it was,
G 
Bm 
G 
you don't want to know
D 
On Centigrade and Fahrenheit it
A 
D 
felt way below zero
I'm talking Centigrade and Fahrenheit,
A 
G 
it was way below zero