We've got tribulation,
my good sir.
We've got tribulation and schmigadoo.
Look down there, do you see what I see?
Peanut shells in the street.
Lying there like passed out
drunks in the gutter.
Turning Town Square
into the floor of a saloon.
The home of loose women
and hooch happy sinners.
A petting pandory
in the middle of the street.
Is that what our town's become?
Is that the future we
want for our children?
I'm telling you, things have changed ever
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since those two outsiders waltzed in.
With their big city ways
and their newfangled ideas.
Promiscuity and depravity
Interlopers, interloping with hearts
Colder than the hinges of hell
First the two of them arrive
unmarried
Brimming with lust,
wanting to share a bed
Then a brazen display
at the basket auction
Now the mayor's out,
proclaiming his perversions
At the root of it all are two strangers
Who've never cracked a Bible in their life
And that's gonna lead to
tribulation and strife
Now I've got nothing against outsiders
Provided they're the
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right kind of people
Kind of folk who look and talk
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and act like us
Peas in a pot and birds of a feather
Not loud, not trash,
whether Tommy Rotten
Flap -doodle -clap -trap
and fiddle -faddle and jiggery -pokery
Stirrin' up the cream
while you're waitin' for it to settle
Like vermin in the root cellar,
flies in the buttermilk
And they're influencin'
There, I said it
They're influencin' your children
Like an earwig crawlin'
from the ears to the brains
And soon your young 'uns
will be neglectin' chores
Milk goin' sour,
unstrained in the springhouse
Back talkin' dinner,
no time for the good book
Ragtime blaring on the Victrola
And that's just the beginning, folks
Soon you won't even, no you won't,
no you won't even
Recognize your own town
I'm talking about neon signs,
smoke -filled rooms
Billiard parlors and painted ladies
Wanton women having chil
dren out of wedlock
Rowdy men using filthy language
The devil himself dancing
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on your front porch
Stealing your babies from
their cribs at midnight
Cows and sheep have an
amorous congress
Children with a mark of their
beast on their foreheads
All thanks to these two out -of -towners
Dr. Skinner and Miss Gimbel
better hold on to your husband
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Best keepin' on your wife
There's gonna be some tribulation
and strife
Oh, we've got strife
And tribula tion
And not to mention
Miscegenation
Let's pray the Lord
Will save us soon
Cause we've got strife and
tribulation in Shwigadoon
Strife, strife, strife, strife, strife, strife,
strife, I can't hear y 'all!
Strife, strife, strife!
I love this town.
Y 'all know,
my great -great granddaddy
founded Schmickadoon
when he came upon this
beautiful tract of land
and said, "'They'll never find us here.'"
But it pains me! Oh! It pains me
to see our town slipping away,
right before our very eyes.
I tried to alert the mayor
but his mind was elsewhere.
In his pants!
His poor wife is so ashamed
she locked herself inside her house.
and this time on purpose.
I'm sorry, Florence.
New leadership.
That's what Schmigadoon needs.
But who? Who has the
moral wherewithal,
the traditional how -to,
the good, old -fashioned, all -American
je ne sais quoi
to stand up to these two outsiders?
Mildred Layton for mayor!
I couldn't.
Mildred Layton for mayor!
Well, I wouldn't! Mildred Layton
for Mildred Layton for mayor!
We're running! Okay,
I'll do it. It's time to vote! To vote!
And vote for Layton!
Vote for Layton!
She's the only one
who'll save our town from safety!
Save us now!
Let's hope that she... that she...
Will save us soon!
Save us soon!
Cause we've got strife
and tribulation!
Strife and tribulation!
Grief and consternation!
Grief and consternation!
Strike and Tribulation
In spite of all
Kristin Chenoweth 
