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I admit that, in the past, I've been a nasty
They weren't kidding when they called me,
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well, a witch
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But you'll find that nowadays
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I've mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light,
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and made a switch
True? Yes
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And I fortunately know a little magic
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It's a talent that I always have possessed
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And here lately, please don't laugh
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I use it on behalf
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of the miserable, lonely, and depressed
Pathetic
Poor unfortunate souls
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In pain, in need
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This one longing to be thinner
That one wants to get the girl
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And do I help them?
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Yes, indeed
Those poor unfortunate souls
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So sad, so true
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They come flocking to my cauldron
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Crying, "Spells, Ursula, please!"
And I help them! Yes, I do
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Now, it's happened once or twice
Someone couldn't pay the price
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And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em
'cross the coals
Yes, I've had the odd complaint
But on the whole, I've been a saint
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To those poor unfortunate souls
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Oh! And there is, one more thing!
We haven't discussed the subject of payment
—But I don't have...
—I'm not asking much
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Just a token, really, a trifle
What I want from you is your voice
—But without my voice, how can I...
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—You'll have your looks! Your pretty face!
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And don't underestimate the importance
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of body language, ha!
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The men up there don't like a lot of blabber
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They think a girl who gossips is a bore
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Yes, on land it's much preferred
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For ladies not to say a word
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And after all, dear, what is idle prattle for?
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Come on, they're not all that impressed
with conversation
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True gentlemen avoid it when they can
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But they dote and swoon and fawn
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On a lady who's withdrawn
It's she who holds her tongue
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who gets a man
Come on, you
poor unfortunate soul
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Go ahead, make your choice!
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I'm a very busy woman
And I haven't got all day
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It won't cost much
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Just your voice!
You poor unfortunate soul
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It's sad, but true
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If you want to cross a bridge, my sweet
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You've got to pay the toll
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Take a gulp and take a breath
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And go ahead and sign the scroll!
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Flotsam, Jetsam, now I've got her, boys!
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The boss is on a roll!
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This poor unfor tunate soul
Pat Carroll
