How to Be Dumb chords by
Elvis Costello
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Key: G major

Verse 1
D D 
 
G G 
 
I  was hell-bent on on destroying
my powers of concentration
D D 
 
While you were living like a saint
G G 
 
And all the time the very one you
Em Em 
 
trusted was washing off
Bm Bm 
 
Somebody else's paint

Verse 2
G G 
 
Now you've got yourself a
brand new occupation
D D 
 
Every fleeting thought is a pearl
G G 
 
And beautiful people
stampede to the doorway
Em Em 
 
Of the funniest fucker in
Bm Bm 
 
F F 
 
the world

Verse 3

They're here to help you

Satisfy your desire

There's a bright future for

Verse 4
all you professional liars
G G 
 
[Chorus]
C C 
 
D D 
 
Now you know how to be dumb
G G 
 
C C 
 
Are you ready to take your place in the
G G 
 
D D 
 
modern museum of mistakes?
G G 
 
C C 
 
Bm Bm 
 
Don't you know how to be dumb?
G G 
 
C C 
 
Like a building thrown up overnight in
G G 
 
D D 
 
one of those reverse earthquakes

Verse 5
G G 
 
They emptied out all the asylums,
D D 
 
they emptied out all the jails
G G 
 
The "new bruise" was
the name of a dance craze
Em Em 
 
By "Jesus cross and the
Bm Bm 
 
G G 
 
cruel nails"
Followed up by "torturing little beaver"
D D 
 
With their contraption of barbed wire
G G 
 
Em Em 
 
Between the fear and the fever lies all the
Bm Bm 
 
F F 
 
rejection they require
They'll be howling by midnight,
D D 
 
they'll be drooling by dawn
Bm Bm 
 
Skulls shrunk down to the
C C 
 
size of their brains

Interlude 1

Heads shaven and shorn

Verse 6
E E 
 
[Chorus]
Trapped in the house of the
perpetual sucker
Am Am 
 
Where bitterness always
D D 
 
G G 
 
E E 
 
ends so pitifully
You always had to dress up your envy
Am Am 
 
in some half-remembered
Philosophy
D D 
 
G G 
 
Philosophy

Verse 7
G G 
 
Now you're masquerading as
pale powdered genius
D D 
 
Whose ever bad intention has been purged
G G 
 
You could've walked out any time
Em Em 
 
you wanted but face it you
Bm Bm 
 
Didn't have the courage
G G 
 
I guess that makes you a full time
D D 
 
hypocrite or some kind of
Twisted dilettante
G G 
 
Funny though people don't usually
Em Em 
 
get so ugly 'til they think
Bm Bm 
 
F F 
 
They know what they want
Scratch your own head stupid
D D 
 
Bm Bm 
 
Count up to three
C C 
 
Roll over on your back
Repeat after me
G G 
 
Don't you know

Verse 8
C C 
 
D D 
 
how to be dumb?
G G 
 
C C 
 
Are you ready to take your place in the
G G 
 
D D 
 
modern museum of mistakes?
G G 
 
C C 
 
Don't you know how to be dumb?
Bm Bm 
 
G G 
 
C C 
 
G G 
 
D D 
 
Like a building thrown up overnight in one of those reverse earthquakes

Outro 1
D D 
 
G G 
 
C C 
 
D D 
 
G G 
 
C C 
 
D D 
 
G G 
 
C C 
 
D D 
 
G G 
 
C C 
 
D D 
 
G G 
 
C C 
 
D D 
 
G G 
 
C C 
 
D D 
 
G G 
 
C C 
 
D D 
 
G G 
 
C C 
 
D D 
 
G G 
 
C C 
 
D D 
 
G G 
 
C C 
 
D D 
 
G G 
 
C C 
 
D D 
 
G G 
 
C C 
 
D D 
 
G G 
 
D D

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ChordsD G Em Bm F...

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