Have some pity on an Easterner,
show a little sympathy.
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No one possibly
could be sterner
than you have been with me.
Oh, there's a job that I'm applying for,
let me put it to you thus.
It's a partnership I'm dying for,
Mr. and Mr s. Us.
Now, before you file it on the shelf,
let me tell you of myself.
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Oh,
I'm the chappy to make you happy.
I'll tie your shoesies
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and chase your bluesies.
Oh, lady, would you?
Oh, lady, could you use me?
Now, I'd shake the mat out
and put the cat out,
I'd clean the garret and
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feed the parrot.
Oh, lady, would you?
Oh, tell me, could you use
me?
Do you realize what a good man
you're getting in me?
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I'm no Elker, Mason, or Woodman
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who gets home at three.
The girls who see me
grow soft and dreamy,
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but I'm a gander who won't falander.
Oh, could you use me?
Cause I certainly could use
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you.
There's a chap I know in Mexico
Who's as strong as he can be
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Eating nails and drinking Texaco
He is the type for me
There is one in California,
more romantic far than you.
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When he sings,
cha -cha -cha -chornia,
I often think he'll do.
But as for you, sir,
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I'm afraid you will never
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make the grade.
For you're no cowboy,
you're soft and howl, boy.
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I feel no muscle that's fit for tussle.
I must refuse you.
I cannot use you.
Excuse me.
No nightlife for you,
the birds would bore you,
the cows won't know you,
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a horse would throw you.
You silly man, you,
to ask me, can you use me?
Though at love you may be a wizard,
I'm wanting to know,
could you warm me up in a blizzard?
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Say 40 below.
Your thighs are freakish,
your knees are weakish,
you're not a sender,
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you elbow bender.
Though you can use me,
I most certainly can't use
you.