I'm addicted to the pain though
Yeah, I been on it for a while,
Gotta have it, it's a habit I'ma break though
Keep sayin' I'ma leave, but I stay though
I just want a little fix,
I don't wanna take a risk
I don't like it when I drift from the safe zone
But lately, I been thinkin' I'ma have to
Lettin' go of things that I'm attached to
just because I'm in a bad mood
You don't know what love is
'til you holdin' onto somethin'
I swear I'm tryna get it together
Sleeves up, puttin' work in, tryna be better
like to rap, but I ain't gon' do it forever
I've been focusing' on holdin' my head up
I just wanna know I'm doin' my best
And if I'm not, Lord forgive me,
'Cause I can feel the water
I always felt like I was holdin' my breath
Holdin' my chest, to be honest,
Lookin' for somethin' in my life
and act like I don't know what it is
I just never wanna commit
(change) Yeah, I don't like new things
Oh, you wanna tell me somethin' negative?
I don't wanna hear what you think
Yeah, tossin' in my sleep
Every night for like two weeks
Thinkin' 'bout how I could have done this
Can't help it, that's just me
Yeah, Lies, that's me avoidin' the change
Yeah, that's probably why
the issues ain't goin' away
Yeah, that's probably why
I always sit around and complain
I ain't never gettin' out of this place
Out of my face if you tellin' me
I'm always insecurity-driven
actin' like I know where I'm headed
Waitin' for somethin' bad to happen,
Yeah, that's kinda easy to say, right?
But difficult to do when I feel like I hate life
kinda thinks I'm a great guy
But I don't ever think it
so I think I'm a fake liar
Change It's somethin' that I know I should do
I'm a little uncomfortable, to tell you the truth
But to be honest with you lately,
See, I've always been full of pain,
but now I'm makin' some room
I need a moment of silence
I don't like change, but I'll try it
I don't wanna hear what I should
Why are they always defiant?
See, all my emotions are liars
All my emotions are violent
They don't want freedom to find me
Mention a name and everybody riots
(Change) that's why I'm checkin' my vitals
They keep on workin', but I know
Breathin' don't mean you're alive, so
and walk out on my tightrope
Positive thoughts are my rivals
I'm tryna be on their side though
Should I feel comfortable? I don't
Last year, I felt suicidal
This year, I might do somethin' different