The Want Ad chords by
Pandora's Box

N/A

Key: Ab major

Verse 1
Gm Gm 3
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This is addressed to all the people who answered
G G 
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or may be thinking of answering
Gm Gm 3
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G G 
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The personal ad I placed in volume 2, number 15 of
Gm Gm 3
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this newspaper two weeks ago Friday
G G 
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Gm Gm 3
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F F 
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First: my apologies to the huge bartender with the voice and the light- hearted, dark- skinned advertising man.

Verse 2
G G 
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If either of you had called me back,
C C 
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G G 
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C C 
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I might not be writing this retraction of my ad
F F 
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G G 
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Even though I will soon be too busy to date much,
Em Em 
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but why didn't you call back?
Gm Gm 3
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G G 
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But to the others... which include the two terrifying

Verse 3
sisters
The under 18's and the over 60's
The numerous ones who dialed my number
and hung up as soon as I said "hello"
The 35 or 40 of you who
made dates with me and never showed up.
F F 
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Including the one who complained his body was
G G 
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F F 
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so powerful he couldn't control it anymore
C C 
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The desperate wife- seekers,
F F 
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the already married
The one who was so one- sided
G G 
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that he could think of nothing but sex
F F 
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And then have the gall to ask me if his nation
C C 
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F F 
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G G 
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ality was the reason  I wouldn't sleep with him
F F 
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C C 
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Em Em 
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The many who couldn't get it up when I was agreeable and the many
G G 
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who could and did when I was not
The pleasant young foreigner who turned out to be
the private property of his gigantic girlfriend
The ones who were so grot
F F 
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esque in their appearance
G G 
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That I couldn't possibly get past their faces to even consider
a relationship with them, especially sexual
The sharks, and the geeks,
and the sadists, the latter category which I had specifically stated I didn't want
And the ones who wanted endless dirty talk,
Em Em 
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the ones who wanted to be punished
G G 
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The ones who could only boast about the size
F F 
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of their bank- rolls and or their equipment
G G 
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C C 
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And this definitely in cludes the teacher
G G 
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F F 
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G G 
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who said: "All the kids want my stuff"
F F 
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G G 
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The businessman who had an adjective for every letter of his last
F F 
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name: "R is for rich"
The ones, and there were many,
G G 
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who said: "my name is so and so, and so how far do you go"
The 300 pound lady
F F 
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judge who screamed abuse at me
The transvestite who wanted me to support
him
G G 
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The numerous young studs who had nothing to offer besides the
F F 
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G G 
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negative results of their goddamn blood tests
F F 
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The diminutive actor and the other
short ones
The astronomer who cried like a baby and said he'd been betrayed
G G 
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by every star he ever knew
F F 
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The fanatic priest who wanted me to confess to
G G 
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F F 
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things I'd never even dreamed of
G G 
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The worn out soldiers, the burned out
poets, the pumped up jocks and the used up kids
F F 
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The racists, including the one at whose place I left
my white sweater
And I'd rather cut off my right thumb than go
back for it
Gm Gm 3
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F F 
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The drunks, junkies, crack and coke- heads,
G G 
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the multitude of liars
And especially the nice
ones who never called back!

Verse 4

To all of you I say: Just forget

my phone number

I don't need all the hassles

Verse 5
Gm Gm 3
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I'll be starting school next month and I just
don't want to be bothered
G G 
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Don't hold your breath, any of you
Sincerely,
F F 
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The underweight platinum blonde
G G 
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Have a nice day

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TunerE A D G B E

ChordsGm G F C Em

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